Bieber, Prostitution, Trophy Dads & My Rap on The Life of Dad Podcast

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Recently, I was happy to accept an invitation to be a guest on the Life of Dad Show Podcast with Tom Riles and Art Eddy. For those of you who haven’t heard of Life of Dad, it’s like Facebook for Dad bloggers. There are a lot of great Dads writing over there and I’ve heard that the guy who runs their twitter account is handsome and awesome! (PS – It’s me, come and say hi @LifeOfDadShow)

On this particular podcast, which is about 30 minutes long, we talk about Trophy Dads, Justin Bieber, Ellen, Ping Pong, Prostitution, Canadian Geography, the Montreal Canadiens and I close it out with a rap that I wrote specifically for the podcast. Each podcast ends with the guest rapping and I was challenged to a rap off, which you will see I clearly won, lol.

It was a jam packed show and has inspired me to look into starting my own podcast. I’m not going to promise it will happen but it’s at least on the table.

So, without further ado, here is my day with Life of Dad. PS – If you’re looking for the rap, it’s around the 28:30 mark, although I don’t why you would want to hear that….

The Smile That Stopped The World

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It’s no secret that as our children get older, they need us less and less. I’ve already begun to see the signs of this with my 4 year old son as he sets out on his path to independence. He recently started his first “no parents allowed” swimming class and it is devastating and exciting all at once.

For some reason, even though I’d been through this with my boy, I thought that my little girl would be, well, my little girl, forever. Every day that passes I see her learning more and gaining the ability to do the little things that Daddy used to help with.

She can do up her own seatbelt in the wagon now, Daddy used to help with that. She doesn’t need Daddy to help her much at the park any more because as she says “No, I Can Do It!”. She doesn’t even need me to help her down the stairs any more, even though I still stand there, hovering over her, sometimes even hoping she’ll slip up a bit so Daddy can catch her.

That sounds harsh and it’s not that I want her to get hurt, it’s just that I want to show her that I am still useful. I want her to need me as much as I need her to need me. I know there’s a next stage of her life, where she’ll need me for a lot of other things, like riding a bike or eating an ice cream cone but I’m just not ready to go there yet.

There’s something about the sincere joy in her eyes when she sees me come in the door from work, that makes my heart ache for the day when I walk in and she just nods and carries on with her day. I dread the day when her excited screams of “Daddy, Daddy!” change to a “What’s Up?” as I enter the room.

She doesn’t know it but she has the ability to stop my world on a dime with a simple unforced cuddle. With a smile, she takes away all my worries and troubles, even if just for a split second, which is long enough.

I’m not sure what brought this on tonight. Whether it was the terrible things happening in the world right now or the realization that kids get older and need us less; or maybe a combination of both.

There is one thing I do know though.

I danced with my little girl this afternoon and as I twirled her around in my arms, in that moment, we were both completely and utterly happy. Most likely for different reasons but happy all the same.

I realized today that it’s okay for my kids to get older and it’s okay for me to be scared about that. What really matters is that I take a moment every now and then to stop and truly appreciate everything I have in them.

There’s no way of knowing what’s in store for them, so all we can do is show them that we are here for them when they need us. To give them all the love that a parent possibly can and hope that someday they are able to share that love with a family of their own.

Kids may grow up and need us less but until that happens I am going to continue to enjoy the moments that bring my world to a stand still.

Cheers!

Raising Children Without A Father Of My Own

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“Daddy, did Grampy die and go to heaven?”

“You bet, buddy”

“Why?”

“He had an accident and didn’t get better, but he was a good man and gets to go to heaven”

It was 5 years ago this August and every day is a reminder of the great loss we suffered that day. My 4 year old son never met my Dad and doesn’t really understand the concept of life and death. He doesn’t understand heaven either but then again, who does?

In a cruel twist of fate, my father passed away on the same day that we found out we were pregnant with our first born. At the time, we used that as a way to help deal with the pain of the loss by saying that he lived on in my son. I never really believed it but when you lose someone, you tend to take any positive thoughts you can get.

I’m not an overly spiritual person, so to me, the reality was that it was just his time to go. It wasn’t an easy time. I went trough a very dark transition following that day and essentially missed the first year of my son’s life. Constantly feeling like my world was caving in, spending countless days and nights in hospital emergency rooms, trying to figure out what crazy disease I was suffering from this time.

It wasn’t until one of the doctor’s referred me to a psychiatrist that I really started to see what I was doing to myself and my family. I don’t know what it was that snapped me out of it. Maybe the thought of losing my wife, or knowing that I was completely letting my son down, which didn’t seem very fair considering how great my Dad was.

Point is, I decided it was time to man up and cut the “Woe is Me” act out of my day to day. Almost overnight, I managed to shake it all off and began acting like the man my family needed me to be.

I’m certainly not perfect. I have bad days just like everyone else and I don’t have all the answers to the mystery that is raising children. I’m not even a great husband but I’m working on it.

As my kids are getting older, I’m noticing more and more the extreme void that was left by my father not being here. There are so many things that I don’t know how to do and it’s frustrating/upsetting/devastating when I realize that my Dad isn’t there to ask for help.

It’s important for me to note at this point, that I mean absolutely no disrespect to the 2 men I call Father in Law’s. They have done nothing but treat me with the utmost respect and have helped myself and my family more than most people could ever understand. They’ve accepted me as if I was one of their own and I love them for that.

There’s just something about being able to talk to your Dad. To be able to ask the questions that you don’t feel comfortable asking anyone else on this earth. My Dad was a great listener too. He never once made me feel stupid for having questions or asking for help and I miss being able to do that. One of the last things he did before he passed, was to help me build a fence in my yard. Do you think I know how to do that? No way!

I’ve come to terms with the fact that I will never have that luxury again, and it is a luxury. Instead, I do the uncomfortable begging to friends, family and neighbours whenever something arises that I don’t know how to do or can’t do by myself. And it happens a lot. I’m blessed with good people in my life, which makes it a little easier.

It doesn’t change the fact that I feel ridiculous to have to ask my neighbour to take time away from his family to help me install a screen door; or constantly bother my friends to help me with two man tasks that most guys my age do with their fathers.

And it still hurts when I see how much fun my friends parents have with their grandkids. In fact, anytime I see any kid with their Grandparents (even my own), I get the sting in my chest. My Dad would have been an amazing grand father. He dedicated his life to coaching kids and I know that he would have loved them to death and probably would have turned them into big time athletes!

In the end, I’m left to wonder what might have been as I navigate the often complicated world of raising children. But I’m still happy. I have a lot of amazing people in my life, who are always there for me whenever I need them. I still have my Mom, who is an amazing woman and who loves her grand kids! I love my kids and my wife and we have a great life together, filled with fun and laughter!

I know I’m not alone with this struggle either. Some of my close friends have been dealt the same cards as me, but we don’t really talk about it. Instead we act tough and pretend to be superheroes, I’d be Batman by the way, until the pain passes and we get back to normal lives.

I was lucky enough to be blessed with a great Dad and even though he left us way too soon, I have the memories and lessons he taught me. Which were many. I can only hope that someday my kids can look back and say the same about me.

The Time I Brought More Animals To The Toronto Zoo

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Ahhh, Family Vacation time! Is there a better time of year?

This year we decided to take a trip to the Toronto Zoo! My kids are getting old enough that animals are of great interest to them, so it seemed like a perfect fit! We’d never done a long trip before, so the thought of the unknown was unsettling and exciting all in one precious little bundle.

First things first, how were we going to drive 4 and a half hours each way to Toronto (Not Canada’s Capital for my American friends) and back, without a riot breaking out in the back seats?

Luckily for us, in these hard economic times, our neighbours were gracious enough to lend us their portable DVD players! You know, the ones that attach to the headrests and turn your little monsters into silent Tinker Fairies.

We weren’t blessed with children who fall asleep the moment you start the car. Our kids will fight the sandman until he waves the white flag and retreats! The DVD players worked wonders on the way to Toronto, to the point where I actually had to check to make sure they were still back there!

Now, normally I wouldn’t interruprt a Zoo story to talk about a random occurence at a Rest Stop but this one is important to the story. Also, if my wife is reading this right now, I apologize….

We stopped in Napanee (*Trivia: Which Canadian singer hails from Napanee?) to get some coffee and snacks for the trip. No stop would be complete without a group trip to the over-sized family restroom. No wacky family trip would be complete without your 4 year old son hitting the handicap button on the door, which opens up to the main seating area, while Mommy is…well, you know. Humiliation ensued.

We recovered in time to grab some TimBits from our favorite little coffee shop, Tim Hortons, where I crowned my daughter “The Queen Of The TimBits”! And yes, occasionally my kids get to eat junk. Especially on holiday! Plus, in Canada, Tim Hortons is a part of our Food Groups…

Back to the trip! We arrived at our destination after a very silent, relaxing drive and immediately got to work! The Zoo visit wasn’t until the following day, so we had lots of time for fun!!! After we unpacked all our clothes, of course… It must be a man thing but I have no desire to be in my hotel room any longer than necessary upon arriving there. I need to do the tour and mark my territory!

We had a great (and very expensive) dinner at Boston Pizza and then it was time for swimming and bed for the kids. Little did I realize, that bed for the kids also meant bed for Mommy and Daddy because the children didn’t understand why the TV was still on at sleep time. Oh well, a little sleep never hurt anyone, right? When you have a son that punches and kicks in his sleep, it does in fact hurt. A Lot!

Before I get to the Zoo portion of the story, which I promise will be short, I want to mention that my children are not the easiest to please. I love them with all my heart but they tend to get cranky and occasionally go to the violent tantrum phase. We are pretty good at dealing with this but with the prospect of 40 degree heat and 5-6 hours of walking, my guard was up and I was ready for anything.

We had some pretty tense moments, such as my son and I fighting over who would navigate the map of the Zoo. He won. Also, there was the 500 pictures I took of my Daughter and I before I got her to smile nicely instead of making her silly “Cheese” face. You know the one.

We were there with some friends of ours and their two kids, so I was hopeful that the kids would all keep each other in check. I have to say that after 6 hours of walking the treacherous terrain, a crazy lunch and a million animals, I have never been more proud of the way my children behaved! It was like they had made a pact ahead of time, to make this the best family vacation we could possibly have and it totally worked!!

No Griswold disasters for us!

There was so much more that happened on the trip. A less than quiet drive home after the DVD players had lost their “new car smell” appeal. Petting Sharks and Sting Rays. Highway Potty Problems. Merry Go Round Insanity. But those are all stories for another time!

The important things to take away from this post are as follows:

1. My kids were well behaved and we had a great trip!
2. The Toronto Zoo is an amazing place. 6 hours and we still could have used an extra day to see it all.
3. DVD players in cars are amazing! For trips of course. You don’t want to create Zombies….I guess.
4. Make sure your kids DO NOT push the handicap button while you are using the bathroom!!!

That’s all I feel like writing for today. I hope you enjoyed reading about our adventure and I’ll close it out with some footage I shot of the kids favorite part of the Zoo.

Cheers!!

* Trivia answer was Avril Lavigne. You win nothing for guessing it correctly ;P

Youth Hockey Coach Deserves More Than A Ban From Hockey

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For further proof that we take youth sports too seriously, look no further than coach Martin Tremblay of the Vancouver Minor Hockey Association’s UBC Hornets.

You might recognize coach Tremblay from the below video of a post game handshake last week, where he decides to deliberately trip one of the opposing players and then follows it up by taunting him and the other coaches. By the way, the opposing player (a 13 year old boy) broke his wrist during the fall and is now wearing a cast.

Disgusting, right?

Tremblay’s original defense was that he slipped on the ice, causing the player to fall, but you can clearly see from the video that this was not the case. Not to mention the taunting afterward and the fact that so much more information has come out in the last few days.

Apparently the drama began when the injured player scored the opening goal of the game and celebrated as he skated by the Hornets bench. Coach Tremblay took offence to the celebrating and yelled at the player, who turned and gave him the middle finger. According to another parent in attendance, coach Tremblay then began yelling insults at the player each time he took the ice after that, leaving the player visibly shaken on the bench.

Did I mention that Tremblay’s team won the game to take home the league championship…..Not that it should matter, but it definitely adds to the idiocy of the incident. Tremblay was arrested but has since been released and awaits a decision about whether he’ll be charged or not.

I’m left scratching my head at the whole situation. What in the world was this guy thinking? A 40 year old man taunting a 13 year old hockey player and then deliberately trying to injure him?! Is he insane? Is this where we are as a society today when it comes to youth sports? It has also been noted that after the incident, Tremblay stayed on the ice and flipped off fans who were outraged by the incident. It has also been reported that his players also taunted fans as they left the ice.

Kids are kids, they do things that we don’t understand because they are still learning how to act in the world. Do you think this is the first time that coach has ever done anything like this? I’m guessing no. If this is the example we are giving our children, how do you think they are going to act as they grow and mature? Probably a lot like this idiot and that is completely unacceptable.

We all need to chill out a bit. Do you know how many of these kids ever go on to make it to a professional level of sports? Not many. Is it really worth it to show them that monsters are in fact very real, just to try and get yourself to that next level? I say no.

I hope Martin Tremblay gets charged to fullest extent that he can be. The RCMP said it plans to recommend an assault charge for him and The Vancouver Minor Hockey Association has suspended him already but that isn’t nearly enough. He should be banned from attending anything in youth sports for life and furthermore, he could benefit from some time behind bars for what he’s done. Seriously, he purposefully broke a 13 year old child’s wrist in a pre-meditated attack on the ice. If he doesn’t get charged, what does that teach these kids?

I don’t want to raise my kids in a world where they have to watch out for their coaches on the playing field as well. I know he’ll never read this but on the off chance that it comes across his desk, I’d like to say that you disgust me, Martin Tremblay, and I hope you realize what you’ve done here is humiliating and wrong and decide to seek professional help. You should be more embarrassed as a father though. I hope your son is smart enough to know what you did is wrong and abnormal.

What did you think about this incident? Is it just common place now or were you as enraged as I was upon reading/watching it? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments section!

My Life In Song – Dad Edition

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I’ve decided to try yet another new feature on the site. The best thing about this being my site, is that I can try as many new things as I want without having to ask permission!

In case you didn’t know already (I guess you probably wouldn’t know unless you knew me personally, because I never really talk about it on the blog…until now) I love music! It makes my world go round in a way that would probably relate to Quentin Tarantino, who has said he picks his music before writing his movies.

If Sidney Deane from “White Men Can’t Jump” is indeed correct, then I feel like one of the few people who can hear Jimi, instead of just listening to him. That’s how much I love music!

Anyway, that’s enough of that. On to the show! This week, with Father’s Day still fresh in everyone’s mind, I am showcasing a couple songs that remind me of my Dad, who passed away in 2007. I don’t necessarily have a reason why certain songs remind me of him but anyone who has lost someone close knows what I’m talking about.

Without further ado, here is my list:

1. My Hero – Foo Fighters – Thought by some to be a tribute to one of Dave Grohl’s best friends, Kurt Cobain, this song is one of my all time favorites. My Dad was my hero and best friend and that’s why this song speaks to me so much.

2. Fix You – Coldplay – This is one of those songs that can relate to a lot of different situations. For me, oddly enough, it was the first song playing in my car after my Dad passed away and that has stuck with me ever since. There’s more to it but I imagine you’ve already gotten the point here. Plus, if I shared all my thoughts, I would have no mystery left to me.

3. Wake Me Up When September Ends – Green Day – Something funny about my Dad is that he really enjoyed listening to Green Day’s American Idiot album. Even in my late 20’s I didn’t fully understand it. He certainly wasn’t listening to it as a ploy to bond with me because we always had a great relationship. Personally I thought it was pretty cool but never admitted it to him, lol. Dad passed at the end of August, so this particular song is extra sentimental to me but he loved the rock songs on this album.

That’s all for this edition of “My Life In Song”. Unlike some other new features I’ve tried, I really enjoyed putting this one together and think it’s a keeper! I’m always happy to hear your thoughts/suggestions though, so just fire away in the comments section!

Thanks for reading!

Cheers!!

Disney Pixar’s Brave Passes The Ultimate Test

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I was fortunate enough to find my way to a screening of Disney/Pixar’s new movie “Brave” in 3D. I had seen about a thousand clips of it with my kids but had no idea what we were in store for as the movie began.

Let’s start with the actual trip to the theater. I went with my 4 year old son, his little girlfriend and her Dad. We got there nice and early, as anyone who has ever been to a screening knows, the lines fill up very early!

We had our dinner’s while standing in line, placed our cell phones in the brown paper bags (because I usually bring my buddy and our kids to the movies with the intention of taping it on my iPhone…) and 3 trips to the bathroom for my little guy….he gets scared in theaters and it makes him have to pee (a Lot).

My son is what you would refer to as a scaredy cat when it comes to watching movies. He hates witches, bad guys & any kind of frightening character, to the point of not wanting to watch anymore. I thought bringing his friend along would be a wise move in attempting to keep him interested.

In case you are one of the few who haven’t seen the clips for this movie yet, here’s a peek!

I’m proud to report that with the exception of a couple of scenes with the ancient bear Mor’du, my son got through the movie relatively unscared! There is a witch in the movie but Disney did a great job of getting away from the traditional scary witch for a sneakier version. Personally, I appreciated that fact as I never understood why they had to make these kids movies so frightening.

The other thing I enjoyed is the relationship the female lead, Merida, has with her father. I thought it was cool that they portrayed them as best friends, which is something as father, I can only hope for with my daughter someday.

I’m not going to ruin any of the story in this review, I just wanted to share my experience from the screening. I have read a lot of reviews from this movie, some good, some bad, some very, very strange, but my personal feeling is that this is an excellent movie for the whole family. The stunning animation alone is worth the price of admission as I feel it’s one of Pixar’s best to date.

Oh Yeah, I almost forgot! In true Pixar form, my son decided that he was going to dress as Finn McMissile for this trip to the movies. One thing I’ve learned is not to bother arguing if he wants to leave the house in costume, lol, Kids Will Be Kids! Plus, he’s just like his Dad!

Brave opened June 22nd and if you haven’t seen it yet, I urge you to check it out as you won’t be disappointed!

Cheers!!

What Exactly Is A “Trophy Husband”?

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It’s no secret that the number of Stay At Home Dads is on the rise. It’s also well documented that the role of the father has evolved dramatically over the last 20 years.

As a shift working Dad who is home with his kids for a good portion of the time, I had never really thought of asking for recognition for the time I spend with them. After all, I’m their Dad and also, I’m far from perfect.

While watching an ABC Nightline story on Stay At Home Dads the other night, they kept referring to the Dads as Trophy Husband’s and it threw me for a bit of a loop. In fact, a few of the points made in the 5 minute piece were slightly off putting.

I feel it’s best that you watch the clip before I continue, so my points will at least have some context.

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I watched it a couple of times and even took some time to think about how I felt about it. No ones likes people who overreact in a public forum, so I’m going to quietly make my points and move on.

The first thing that happens is predictable video of Mr. Mom with Michael Keaton, followed by a more updated but equally ridiculous video clip from “What To Expect When You Are Expecting”. Not a great start and it got worse when I heard the reporter’s opening quote.

“Today’s stay at home dad is a new breed. They push strollers with swagger, like those dads in What To Expect When You Are Expecting”.

So today’s Dads are the stereotypical movie imbecile’s, who let their babies eat cigarettes, play in the dryer and swim in toilets? Good to know. I’m used to the movie buffoon thing, it’s increasingly more annoying but I get that it’s still a movie and they need to be funny. This was supposed to be a real story about real dads and didn’t need the ridiculous reference in my opinion.

The story goes on to say that Moms on the playground refer to these Dads as “Trophy Husbands”. Which parks are these? Who are these women? I’ve been to the park with my kids a whole bunch of times and I’ve never had anyone refer to me as a Trophy…In fact, I usually end up very much ignored to play with my kids, which is perfectly fine with me.

They quote a study that says more men are staying at home because women are beginning to value high paying jobs more than men do. I don’t doubt the results of the “high paying jobs” portion of the survey but it really shouldn’t be used as an explanation as to why there are more stay at home dads. There are daycare’s after all and I think more men are just realizing how amazing it is to spend more time with their kids.

I know a few stay at home dads and a lot of dads who work jobs for a living as well. None of them are the bumbling idiots from the movies or the Al Bundy’s from TV. They’re not even the Dad from the Oscar Mayer Commercial, who thinks letting his son play with a chainsaw is a good idea, among other things. Many other things…

Most of the Dads I know are just normal guys who like to spend time with their families. They are not looking for any kind of special credits or awards. Sure, it’s nice to be complimented every now and then but we’re no different than Mom in that regard. We do the things we do for our family because it’s our family, not to become trophies for our wives or kids.

We just want to be parents, not a special exhibit at the zoo. It’s great that the new age of Dads is coming to light in the media, I just wish it didn’t have to always come with the asterisk of a clip or reference to Homer Simpson. After all this writing, I’m not sure I’ve answered the question of what a Trophy Husband is. I guess my hope is that it’s not a thing at all.

Let me leave you with an example of what I’m talking about. Here’s a video that was done right and captures real dads talking about real stuff, without the cliches. It’s really great and I hope it’s the start of a trend in recognizing that we’re not the Dads from the television set.

Cheers!!

An Introduction To Dad-chelor Parties

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What exactly is a Dad-chelor Party? Well, essentially it’s the male equivalent of the Baby Shower. Except that it is nothing like a baby shower! Here’s a brief description:

Dad-chelor Party [dadch•uh•ler par•ty, dadch•ler par•ty]
noun
1. A bachelor party for a dad to be.
2. A man’s baby shower.
3. One last pre-fatherhood bash.

Created by Life of Dad founder, Tom Riles, and featured on ABC’s “Nightline,” the Dad-chelor Party” celebrates the expectant Dad with one last pre-fatherhood bash. “It’s like a baby shower for Dads-to-be,” says Riles. “Everything is going to change so much after having a baby, this is something they really need – hanging out with friends, having a blast, going crazy – before their lives change forever.”

Dad-chelor Parties are growing in popularity and will be coming to a city near you very soon! For more information on the history and future of Dad-chelor Parties, please check out Life of Dad’s Press Release.

You can also head over to http://dad-chelorparty.com for video and tips on how to run your own successful Dad-chelor Party.

Cheers!

Happy Father’s Day To All The Proud Papa’s Out There!!

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It’s finally here! The day us Dads wait for all year long! On behalf of all of us here at Canadian Dad (really, it’s just me) I’d like to wish all the wonderful Dads out there a very Happy Father’s Day!

That’s all.

What? You didn’t think I was gonna write some long winded post on Father’s Day, did you?? Instead, here’s a bunch of pictures of me with my kids! In case your Sherlock Holmes senses aren’t flowing, the above photo is of me and my Dad. He was accepting the award for lifetime achievement in volunteerism. Not a bad role model to have.

Enjoy your day Dads, you have earned it!