The Curious Case of Missing Buttons

All in all, I probably own about five pairs of pants that I actually wear. Six, if you count pajamas. Yeah, I know, bearing my soul today and opening the doors of my closet for all to see. A “man behind the man” glimpse, if you will. Anyhow, back to my pant collection; I know five pairs doesn’t sound like a lot but it gives me a solid five day outfit rotation for my day job, so I’m happy.

The reason we are taking about my pants today is that there has been a strange occurrence happening lately and I need your help in getting to the bottom of it. Out of my five pairs of pants, only two of them still have a button on them, which leads me to the question, “Where are all my buttons going?!”

I’ve created a list of possible scenarios and would love to hear your thoughts on the matter as well. Here’s what I think could have happened:

1. The Button Elves – Though I’ve never actually seen one of these guys, the legend says that they creep into your bedroom at night and steal your buttons. Traditionally known as shirt button thieves, you can’t discount the allure of a larger, more solid button.

2. Frosty the Snowman – Unfazed after being questioned by police about a stolen shipment of corn cob pipes, Frosty is now said to be stocking up on noses for the winter.

3. The Dryer – The “Dryer Stole My Button” is the new “Dog Ate My Homework” and I’m not really buying it. If only one button had gone missing this would be a more plausible answer, but three buttons? No way.

4. My Wife – That’s right, I said it! My wife runs a daycare, where buttons are like currency to a house filled with crafting kids and they never seem to run out of them. I’ve been playing it cool so far but I’m on to her!

That’s all I’ve got for leads so far and I’m hoping you all can help me figure out where all my pant buttons have gone. In other news, I have lost 8 pounds in two weeks and am now below 200lbs for the first time in over a year! With my pants fitting better, it sure would be nice to know why my buttons have all been disappearing…