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Is This Really The ‘Rise Of The Dad Wars’ Or Just A Ploy?

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I’m a Dad. I love my kids and they make me smile. Look up, there’s proof! I’m pretty good at it too.

There’s been a lot of talk lately about Dads and their evolving role in the parenting landscape. It sounds as if us Dads are rising from the ashes of mediocrity and claiming our stake as equal partners in the raising of our children with the Moms of the world.

I was recently invited to participate in an interview for Salon.com, for a piece entitled “Rise of the Dad Wars”. The article was about Stay At Home Dads and the different challenges they face as primary caregivers, who also happen to be men. You should note that while I’m not a SAHD in the traditional sense of the word, I am home more than 75% of the time so technically I qualify…

To give an example of how green I am to the blogging world, I had never heard of Salon, nor had I ever done an interview before, so my excitement level overshadowed my ability to ask any questions about the upcoming article. Something I have since learned to do.

When I woke up on the morning the article was published, I was surprised to see a couple tweets from some Dad bloggers who I have a lot of respect for, congratulating me on the mention. I think this was about the point I started to panic about who I had interviewed for and exactly what it is that I had said about being a Dad. I think I was just hoping that I hadn’t said anything to embarrass myself or other Dads.

Upon reading the article, I was happy with my contribution and even got the closing quote, which was very (insert smart person word) Awesome! More tweets began to roll in throughout the day and I even found out that the geniuses behind the popular site Dad Labs were discussing it on their live stream that day.

The point of this post however, is not to gloat about being featured in a high ranking news article (okay, maybe a little), but it’s to take a realistic look at what this Dad, at least, feels about the way I am treated in public while alone with my kids.

What followed the article was a strange phenomenon for me. I got an email to do a radio interview about it; and then another; and then another after that. One of them even gave me this line of advice, “Make sure you say the part about feeling alienated at the play groups”. Huh? But I told you that I don’t feel like people treat me differently when I’m out with my kids. That ‘alienated’ line was just a minor observation. Why are they trying to focus only on the negative stuff? War.

Could it be that I am the only one who feels like when I take my kids to their swim class or play group, I am actually getting envious looks from the Moms and not Dagger Eyes? No War.

Sure, when I go to the park or the local Sippy Cup Café, I am surrounded by groups of Moms, most of whom are there together, and I ‘sometimes’ feel like an outsider. But that doesn’t mean I couldn’t just walk over and say hi to them. It’s not their responsibility to make sure the ‘Dad’ is invited into their private circle of friends. No War.

I also get unsolicited parenting advice from people I do and don’t know. Last time I checked though, any man or woman who’s ever had children (or a mother-in-law)((Not my mother-in-law though)) has received unsolicited parenting advice, so rule that one out too. No War.

Really, if you think about it, the majority of the hoopla surrounding Dads lately has been created by the corporations and the media. Look at the Huggies “Dad Test” ads. Dads, myself included, were insulted by the concept that the “toughest test imaginable” for Huggies’ products was: Dads, alone with their babies, in one house, for 5 days. Of course we were going to take action; we don’t like to be seen as imbeciles. War.

Point is, this Ad had nothing to do with Moms or even other Dads seeing us in a negative light, it was simply a marketing error. No War.

**Please note that I’m not trying to bash on Huggies here, because they showed remorse and humility by showing up to the Dad 2.0 Summit in Texas to take the wrath from all the Dads in attendance. They then changed the ads to a more suitable and acceptable portrayal (In my mind at least). **

The newest commercial that has Dads questioning a company’s marketing strategy, is from the folks at Proctor & Gamble. The commercial in question, seen below, seems like a spot for the upcoming Olympic Games and really doesn’t promote any sort of product. The only real information we get is that P&G supports Moms, which is fine by me because I love Moms and both myself and my children have great ones.

The issues that some Dads have with the commercial are as follows. First, where are the Dads?? I love Moms and would never take away from anything they do as parents but as an involved father and a child of an involved father myself, I would like to think that, on the whole, both parents would be involved in the responsibility of raising a child who becomes an Olympic athlete. War.

Secondly, and this one applies to both Moms and Dads, the ad implies that being a parent is the “hardest job in the world”, when in fact, being a parent isn’t a job at all. This is pointed out in excellent detail by blogger Beta Dad in this article at DadCentric. Double War.

So you see folks, if there is a ‘Dad War’ brewing somewhere, it doesn’t seem to be between Moms and Dads or even Dads and Dads. I’ve never been asked to move to the back of the bus because I boarded alone with my kids. No one has ever asked me to leave a play group until my wife shows up. I certainly don’t get sad stares or offers for help while pushing a high chair with my foot, while holding my son’s hand and carrying a tray full of food at the local McDonald’s

The Dad Wars seem to be like some mythical creature, created and maintained by major corporations in conjunction with the media. When I leave the house alone with my kids, I’m more concerned with remembering lunches and diapers than I am with how I am being perceived as a father.

That’s just my take on it though. As they say in business, Results May Vary.

As a father, do you ever feel like you are being discriminated against when you are out with your kids by yourself? I’d love to get some different point of views on it because I just don’t see it happening around me.

Moms, do you find it “creepy” to see a Dad at the park by himself with his kids? What goes through your mind? Please Share!

Cheers!

A Letter To My Daughter On Her 2nd Birthday

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Hi Honey, it’s Daddy. I imagine by the time you are able to read this, you’ll be wondering why, to this point, most of the posts have featured stories about your brother.

I don’t have a clever answer for that other than to say that he is able to talk and joke a lot more than you can and that he is able to do a lot more activities than you are able to at your age.

It definitely has nothing to do with loving one of you more than the other because you are equally loved.

On this, your 2nd birthday, I wanted you to have this letter I wrote for you. I know you won’t be able to read it now but maybe someday you’ll look at it and understand how loved you really are.

Did you know that you were the first girl in our family tree in quite some time. Over 70 years if I’m not mistaken.

From the minute you were born, I was proud to be your Daddy.

I was then and still am petrified at times. I have no idea how to raise a girl and I certainly don’t want to mess it up!

You’re growing up so fast, I feel like I’m missing the whole thing, even though I’m right here the whole time.

Just yesterday, you were learning to stand up in your crib; now you jump from your big girl bed and into my arms.

I’m sorry that I sometimes still cut your food up way too small because I forget that you are not a baby anymore.

I sneak into your room at night sometimes too, while everyone is asleep, just to get a peak at you while you are peacefully at rest. These are some of my favorite moments.

When you run to the door screaming “Daddy, Daddy” when I get home from work, my heart literally melts. I don’t know how much longer you are going to do that for so I am going to savor every minute of it until you stop.

I love that you are charismatic and outgoing, just like your Dad. It took me 20 years to break out of my shell and I’m so glad that you seem to have already smashed through yours.

If you want to wear a Tinkerbell costume to the mall, I’m cool with that.

I even love the fact that you are a bit of a Diva. Not so much when you are yelling at me, but when you copy your Mommy’s disciplinary lines, I can’t help but giggle, even though it gets me in trouble.

I’m so proud of everything you’ve achieved up to this point. You are such a smart girl and I’m not just saying that because I’m your Dad. Okay, maybe I am but that’s just how I feel about that.

I don’t even care that you still want a soother sometimes, even though the doctor disagrees. What does she know, right?

I fear for the day you bring a boy home for the first time. I’m probably going to be skeptical of him. I’m sorry.

However, I promise to always be there for you though when or if one of those boys breaks your heart. That’s what Daddies do.

I also promise that I am going to go out of my way, at times, to embarrass you. Sometimes I’ll be doing it by accident. That’s what you get when your Dad is a goofball. I realize you don’t get to have a say in your Dad’s personality. Sometimes life isn’t fair (Write that one down).

I honestly believe that you can do anything you want to do in your life. I promise to do all I can to help you become everything you aspire to be.

You can’t be the President of the United States, it’s literally not legal. I’m not sorry about this because being Canadian is pretty awesome too. We’re pretty good at hockey you know.

I don’t want you to do drugs or smoke or drink because those things are bad for you. But I tried them once so I’ll be reasonable about it because I don’t want to be a hypocrite. Consider this your first warning young lady. Sometimes life isn’t fair. Remember when I told you to write that down?

I could write to you all day but I think I’ve made my point.

You bring a new aspect to my life that I never dreamed could be so amazing.

You make me smile when I’m in the worst of moods.

Just the thought of you growing up and moving on brings a tear to my eye (like right now). That’s right, Daddies cry. It’s something you should know about now because it may fall into the embarrassing category when you graduate from high school.

On this, your 2nd Birthday, I want you to know that your Daddy Loves You with all his heart and nothing will ever, EVER happen to change that.

Happy Birthday Sweetheart!!!

Can My Child’s Artwork Get Me Arrested?

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For the most part, my goal with this blog is to write about the things that amuse me about fatherhood. That doesn’t mean that sometimes I don’t get the urge to write about other things that catch me offguard.

That urge struck me yesterday when reading this article in the online news version of The Record.

The story is about a father (Jessie Sansone) who was arrested while picking up his 4 year old daughter from school because she drew a picture of a man holding a gun. When asked about the photo, the girl replied “That’s my daddy’s. He uses it to shoot bad guys and monsters.”

Sansone was strip searched at the police station and three of his children were taken to Family and Children’s Services to be interviewed.

Several hours after being humiliated in front of the entire school, a detective apologized and said Sansone was being released with no charges. Sansone was also asked to sign a paper authorizing a search of his home, where police found no real guns but did find this plastic gun.

I understand the school’s need to deal with this information in a very serious manner. With all of the craziness going on in schools today, I would be outraged if something like this went without being brought up. My problem is with the way the situation was handled.

Sansone recounts that he was not even warned at the school, he simply showed up to get his daughter and they cuffed him, strip searched him and embarassed him in front of his whole community. “My family has been tarnished. My name has been tarnished,” Sansone said.

I can only picture this happening to me and it makes me wonder why they didn’t just call the police and set up a meeting with Sansone to discuss it privately and then decide if action was required?

Imagine going to pick up your 4 year old kid from kindergarten and getting ambushed out of nowhere and rushed into a police car in handcuffs. How would that make you feel? How would it look to all the other parents, kids and community members who witnessed it? How would you ever fix your reputation at that point?

You know how it goes, once your accused of something, you’ll always be the guy that was involved in that scandal, regardless of the outcome. It’s unfortunate but true.

Really, what this story did, is make me rethink my whole parenting philosophy. We play with super soakers in the summertime and the whole neighbourhood joins in. We’ve had some really fun house to house battles but is it really worth it? Does this same fate await me or one of my neighbours? What other things do I do as a parent without realizing the consequences? It’s a scary thought.

What are your thoughts about the way this went down? Do you think the school and police were right in the way they handled the situation or do you think there may have been a more discreet way to deal with it? Let me know in the comments section and thanks for reading!
Cheers!