Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week!
/0 Comments/in Funniest Tweets, THE BLOG /by Chris ReadWe’re starting a new feature on the blog to showcase some of the funniest parents from around the internet! Each week we’ll share what we deem to be the funniest tweets about parenting, so you can spend you Monday mornings laughing out loud for strangers on the bus!
Today my 4 year old was so tired she could barely keep her eyes open. Then she slept for 86 seconds in the car and will now be up forever.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) March 14, 2019
Whatever the opposite of smooth is, that’s how dinner’s going with all four of my kids pretending french fries with ketchup on the ends are lit cigars.
— Paige Kellerman (@PaigeKellerman) March 15, 2019
My 2yo answered her toy phone "Ok ok, just do it, bye!" Then she hit her brother over the head with it.
— Daddy’s Digest® (@daddysdigest) March 13, 2019
She'll make it just fine in corporate America.
My kid just said “hey, I was the FIRST person in last place” and I don’t know if that was an inspirational way of looking at it or just dumb.
— HowToBeADad (@HowToBeADad) March 14, 2019
I tried to do a split this morning in the classroom with the kids. I got halfway down and one of the little boys said "That's enough Miss Shawn." And he was right.
— That's Enough, Miss Shawn. (@thepbg) March 13, 2019
Take heart that no matter what outfit, meal, or activity you choose for your kid: they don't want it.
— Walking Outside In Slippers (@WalkingOutside) March 13, 2019
My kid refused to use the toilet until I sat on it to warm up the seat. Just thought I’d let ya’ll know in case you were on the fence about having children.
— Sassparilla (@Megatronic13) March 17, 2019
St. Patrick’s Day Before Kids: up early to start drinking, green beer and car bombs all day, passed out by 3pm because hammered
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) March 17, 2019
St. Patrick’s Day After Kids: up early to start yelling, green poop and diaper bombs all day, passed out by 3pm because parenthood
3yo: Do you want to play princesses with me?
— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) March 14, 2019
Me: Of course!
3yo: Ok, I’ll be Ariel. Who do you want to be?
Me: Sleeping Beauty.
3yo: How come you always pick her?
Me:
3yo:
Me: *already asleep on the couch*
Can’t talk, my kids are angry with me because I didn’t put ice in their soccer water bottles that they never actually drink.
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) March 14, 2019
At top secret kid training:
— Wonder-Parent (@wonderparent007) March 17, 2019
Trainer: Make sure you interrupt them at least 4 times per bathroom trip.
Kids: How?
T: Whatever it takes. You need the bathroom ASAP. Have a tantrum. Sit on their lap, whatever.
Kids: What if they lock the door?
T: Be. Annoying. #parenting
Throw cheese at dads, not babies pic.twitter.com/MpmhVJcRd3
— The Dad (@thedad) March 12, 2019
Good morning to everyone except the two of my kids that had a 6:40am screaming match about what our cat’s middle name probably is.
— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) March 17, 2019
I just googled "why am I so tired and unmotivated" as tho I'm not in my 35th week of a creature living inside of me, hogging all my nutrients and draining my energy
— Salty Mermaid (@Jenn_H_Scott) March 11, 2019
My kids were watching YouTube and I wasn’t really paying attention to what was playing. My children were exposed to “Surprise Eggs”
— TwinzerDad (@TwinzerDad) March 15, 2019
Consider this a cautionary tale
I still can't believe how much of having a daughter is just nodding my head and saying, "Wow, those are really sparkly."
— Stabbatha Christy (@LoveNLunchmeat) March 15, 2019
9 pm: Bed time
— The Dadvocate (@thedadvocate01) March 12, 2019
9:07 pm: “I need water!” time
9:13 pm: “I heard a noise” time
9:27 pm: “I want my teddy bear” time
9:28 pm: “No not that one” time
9:39 pm: Crying for no reason time
10:14 pm: Just realized I’m still watching Paw Patrol time
10: Mom
— Unfiltered Mama (@UnfilteredMama) March 16, 2019
Me: *busy* uh huh?
10: Mom!
Me: *still busy* yeah?
10: MOM. LOOK AT ME! This is important!!!!
Me: *stops everything I’m doing* Okay. What is it?
10: Alright. So my Fortnite character found an ultra rare weapon in the first chest…..
Me: pic.twitter.com/GphPQ50HAC
Every dad has a superpower. Sadly, it's just being the only one who can hear a toilet still running anywhere in the house.
— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) March 11, 2019
Toddler: [Eating an orange]
— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) March 12, 2019
Me: Can I have some?
Toddler: No! Is spicy!
She's on to me.
My kids started planning what to wear on an airplane trip 6 months from now, and their excitement was precious to behold. Until I heard the words “hot dog costume”.
— Daisy Chain (@putyoursisterd1) March 16, 2019