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It Never Truly Goes Away

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No matter how often you open up about something such as mental illness, there is always that voice in your head that screams at you to keep your emotions bottled up inside. Why are you telling these people all of this stuff? They are just going to judge you and think that you are weak! Well, the truth is that I can be weak at times. In fact, I’m willing to bet that we all have weak moments in our lives. I also believe that it’s how we deal with those moments that determines our true strength.

This is especially true when talking about topics like anxiety and depression. Last year, I wrote about my struggle with anxiety and the effects it had on my family life. At the time, things were great and I felt like I had been cured of the disease that had plagued my brain for so long, but I have since come to realize that it never completely goes away.

These past few months, I have found myself growing increasingly restless. No matter how well things are going at my job, with my websites and my family life, I can’t seem to shake the feeling that I am not good enough, and for whatever reason, that makes me want to shut out the things that are most important in my life. That would be the main reason that both my websites went largely ignored throughout the month of December and why one of them continues to collect dust. You would think advocating and reading about kindness would have fixed my brain, but it did not.

It’s a very strange thing for me because I am generally a happy person and when you meet me in the street, at a party or a conference, you are not getting an act. It’s just one of those things that I work through on a daily basis and have to believe that the persistence will eventually pay off. I definitely find that since I have started opening up about it, there is a sense of relief that I don’t have to hide it anymore. Being perceived as weak was a good portion of the stress in the first place, but I’ve realized that I’m far too old and much too dad-ly to worry about that at this point. The important thing is that I continue working on myself and if I can help someone else in the process, it’ll be all the better.

I share these stories because I find it therapeutic and I also think it’s important that we all stop treating these symptoms as weaknesses and start letting others know that it’s okay to open up about it. The best thing I ever did was to seek help for my condition because even without the pills, it gave me a ton of ideas and exercises to try when I start getting those anxious feelings. Don’t wait until you are too far gone; if you are feeling symptoms of depression or anxiety, talk to someone about them. Whether it’s a doctor, a friend or family member, just saying the words for the first time is an empowering experience that can start you down the path to recovery.

The RBC Believe in Kids Pledge ~ #RBCKids

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I was just introduced to RBC’s “Believe In Kids Pledge” via some short videos they have put together and admit that they may have tugged at the old heart strings a little bit. Here is a bit about the program, from the RBC Commitment to Kids page:

The RBC Believe in Kids Pledge is a five-year, $100 million commitment to improve the well-being of at least 1 million kids and youth. We believe kids are our future: for our economic prosperity, the health of the planet and the hope of humanity. We believe kids need and deserve our complete commitment so they can be healthy in mind, body and spirit. That’s why we support a wide range of charitable and community health, education, arts and sports programs for children and youth. Because we believe in kids.

I was asked to watch three videos, featuring inspirational stories from children who have been helped by the RBC funded programs, and was asked to share one of them with you. This task was nearly impossible as they were all worthy of sharing, but here is my choice and I will explain why after you watch it. Although, I’m sure most of you will understand why.

With my history of mental illness, Jacob’s story resonated with me on a number of levels, but especially the part where he actually gets help for his illness. All too often, especially with children, help is either not offered or easily accessible, so the illnesses go untreated. I love that RBC is trying to do something to help with this issue and I am always going to be a supporter of anyone who wants to make a difference in the mental health field.

The RBC Believe In Kids Pledge combines the RBC Children’s Mental Health Project, the RBC After School Project and a commitment to Sports, to form an amazing program that is sure to help children across Canada. I hope you will take a minute to check out the RBC YouTube channel, so you can watch all three stories, because they are all worth watching.

This post content is sponsored by Royal Bank of Canada, however the views and opinions expressed herein represent my own and not those of Royal Bank of Canada or any other party and do not constitute financial, legal or other advice.

The Day the Darkness Crept In

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Edited May 15th: The Dad blogging community recently learned that one of our compatriots, Marc Block from Divided Dad, had succumbed to depression and taken his own life. Now, a number of Dad bloggers have decided to work together to share our stories and hopefully raise awareness about the effects of mental illness and to let others know that it’s okay to ask for help. My story is below and I have linked the other bloggers stories at the end. Thanks.

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It’s hard to pinpoint the exact day it began. The trigger was easy to decipher. It wasn’t long after my father had passed away that I started experiencing the symptoms. Nagging pains, fatigue and a lot of tears quickly became a part of my daily regimen. I was excellent at hiding it, rarely breaking down in front of even my wife, if at all.

When my father passed suddenly after an ATV accident, I felt like my entire world had been stripped from me. Instead of dealing with the grief and pain in the way I imagine most people do, I decided to take on the role of super strong male provider guy, so I wouldn’t have time to stop and think about what had happened. The strategy worked for a while, and then things started to go horribly wrong.

I remember the first trip to the emergency room like it was yesterday. I had shot out of bed with a pain in my chest and shortness of breath and decided not to take any chances. You can imagine my surprise when the doctor’s said everything was fine. The events that followed this visit are something that I will never forget. I must have visited the emergency room about 12 more times that year, along with 10 more trips to my family doctor, 4 specialists and 3 CT scans. Every trip was more discouraging than the next as I was getting no answers and was quickly becoming the poster child for hypochondria.

My lowest point was while we were living at my in-law’s house, with our new baby, while waiting for our new house to be built. I can distinctly remember the feeling of emptiness that was sweeping its way throughout my body. I would try to put on a face for everyone but there came a point where I just didn’t care anymore. There were many sleepless nights, hours wasted just lying on the couch and more trips to the emergency room. I wasn’t exactly an absentee father but I definitely left my wife high and dry, and I certainly wasn’t feeling whatever it was I was supposed to be feeling about fatherhood. I’ve never felt so emasculated and useless in my entire life. These were the hardest days and the ones I regret most when looking back on my son’s first year.

My last trip to the emergency room provided the awakening I had been searching for. I had been thinking a lot about how much better off my family would be without me and my problems in the picture. That’s not to say I ever thought about harming myself, because I didn’t. I just knew how hard I was making things for my family and wondered if things would be better without me, if that makes any sense. The doctor in the ER was sympathetic and asked what I thought was wrong with me. This week, for no valid reason, I believed I had Multiple Sclerosis. He ran some tests and quickly dismissed my fear; and then he saved my life.

He asked if I’d ever been to a psychiatrist, to which I responded, “No way”. You see, I wasn’t crazy and only crazy people needed to see a psychiatrist; or at least that’s what I thought. The doctor insisted by explaining that he thought I had an anxiety disorder and that it could help. To my surprise, it only took a couple visits for me to start understanding why I experiencing all of these symptoms. By the time four months had gone by, I felt like a new man and was well on my way to recovery.

My last session with the psychiatrist was about 3 years ago and I have been almost symptom free ever since. Sure, there are times when I feel the anxiety building, but I am now equipped with the tools to deal with those instances. My point in sharing this story is to let you know that suffering in silence does nothing but make things worse for you and everyone around you. Reaching out for help doesn’t make you less of a person and in fact can only make you stronger, in my opinion. Don’t let the darkness take over, ask for help, you’ll be glad you did.

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Krazy Dad Memoir – Do Not Go Into That Good Night

Dad of Divas – The Time Is Now To Ask For Help

Clark Kent’s Lunchbox- Dump Truck Full of Dead Babies

Dads Who Change Diapers – When the World Goes Numb

Dad’s a Lawyer – Words From the Wife

The Daddy Files – Come Back to Me

Dads Round Table – Strategies to Fight Depression

Be a Little Weird – Recognizing Depression in Men for What It Really Is

On Setting And Achieving Goals {#Movember}

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When I started recruiting teammates for this year’s Movember campaign, I had preset a lofty goal of $2,000. Little did I realize that my teammates had different plans for our fundraising efforts, this November.

I had taken part in Movember before. Last year, before I had discovered blogging, I failed to gather any troops and provided $125 for the cause, with $50 of that being out of my own pocket. This year, however, I had a new audience, new friends and a passion to succeed. I also had a new found respect for the powers of influence and reach.

It was great to be able to surround myself with so many like-minded people, who were as committed to the Movember cause as I was. There is a bit of a stigma surrounding Movember, as some say it is just an excuse for guys to grow a mustache and then complain about how much they are suffering with it, without actually raising funds or awareness for the campaign.

While that may be true for some, I can assure the naysayers that our group of Mo Bro’s and Mo Sista’s not only did a great job of raising awareness, but late last night, we reached the $10,000 raised mark! I have never been a part of such a dedicated group of people and I’m incredibly proud of every single member of our team. We had members who sold MoTies, told very personal stories, gave away prizes out of their own pockets and even one member who offered to write personalized Christmas stories to all who donated to his page. It was incredible to watch everyone come together like that.

We also had an amazing turnout from the corporate community and I would like to personally thank all of the businesses who have contributed to our team, whether it be with donations or prizes. They are, PlaSmart, Logs End Inc, Burnbrae Farms, Tag Along Toys, Elm Hill Kids, Play It Again Sports, Cloak and Curio, Fathead, Adult Essentials & Sarah J’s Cupcakes. Your support has helped us achieve a goal that would have seemed unreachable at the start of all of this and I can’t say thank you enough!

With 2 days left and our Movember Party tonight, the sky is still the limit. While we won’t be setting any new goals, there are still nice, round numbers floating around in my head. I just want to say thank you to everybody who had a hand in contributing to our team’s success. We flew through goals of $2,000, $5,000 and $7,500, and it was all because of your generosity and commitment to making a better world for men who are suffering with cancer and mental illness.

I hope you all have a great day and thanks again for everything!

Cheers!