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Dad Blogs Exposed! ~ Always Home And Uncool

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This week on Dad Blogs Exposed, I had the chance to talk with Kevin McKeever from the blog, Always Home and Uncool. Kevin’s stylings can also be found over at Dadcentric. I had the opportunity to meet and share a stage with Kevin at this year’s Dad 2.0 Summit in Houston, Texas and was once again blown away by the kindness of a stranger. Kevin is effortlessly funny, or at least it seems effortless, and I’m glad to now call him a friend. Unless he takes the effortless thing the wrong way, in which case he was a fine “former” friend.

CD: Why did you start blogging?

KM: After being laid off from my job, I had to do something to prove to my wife that I didn’t spend all day at home surfing the Internet for revealing photos of Kari Byron from “Mythbusters.”

That and, after not writing regularly for six months for the first time in 20-odd years when I was a reporter or corporate communicator, I just felt the need to start putting something into words again for my own sanity’s sake.

CD: What can people expect from your blog? Do you have a specific goal or do you write whatever you feel?

KM: I mostly tell tales about my goofy self — as a dad, as a guy, as a man befuddled by the world around him. Sometimes I have a fleeting celebrity encounter, sometimes I shed a tear or two, but mostly it’s about me trying to make sense of my wife, kids and dog.

CD: What has been your biggest challenge as a father?

KM: Avoiding the ol’ “well, back in my day …” routine with my kids. Civilization advances and changes, and you can’t live in your past no matter how comfortable it may be. I try to adapt and grow with my kids not because I want to be the cool, hip dad but because I want to stay involved in their world. Nevertheless, I never bothered figuring out all that Pokemon stuff when my boy was young. What the heck was that about?

CD: What one piece of advice can you give to a new Dad?

KM: I’ll give you two.

a) Don’t panic. If you panic, all is lost. Keep your wits about you and you’ll survive it.
b) Don’t listen to me.

CD: Do you have any long term goals for your site?

KM: Dude, I don’t even have plans for lunch. Speaking of which – Hooters?

CD: What is your social media weapon of choice and why?

KM: I’m on Facebook because that where I seem to best be able to keep up with the people I care about. I have Google+ account which I’m starting to use some, and Instagram is nice, but I tend to post all that stuff on FB now that it’s integrated. Pinterest? No interest, but that’s me. Your mileage may vary.

CD: How has blogging affected your life?

KM: I’ve meet some truly great and generous people, online and IRL, through blogging. The support my family has received from complete strangers and Internet-only acquaintances whenever we have sought help to raise awareness or money to support research into Juvenile Myositis, a rare autoimmune disease my daughter has had since age 2, has been heartwarming and, frankly, unbelievable.

Huge thanks to Kevin for taking time out of his busy schedule to answer the questions. I hope you’ll take some time to check out his site and say hi for me. See you next week!

Talking “Family Matters” With CJAD800

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I have been fortunate enough to have a monthly spot on the “Family Matters” segment with CJAD800’s Ric and Suzanne. This month I had the chance to talk about the tightrope that is children’s activities, as well as my recent experience where I had to explain why it’s okay for my son to want to do gymnastics. As always, I appreciate the opportunity to have my voice heard and always have a great time on the show. You can listen to my segment below.

Dad Blogs Exposed! ~ Fodder 4 Fathers

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Dad Blogs Exposed continues this week as I interview fellow Canadian, Adam Dolgin, from the blog, Fodder 4 Fathers. I recently had the opportunity to meet Adam at an event in Brampton and can tell you that he looks much better on the internet than he does in person. Of course, I keed! Here’s what Adam had to say about fatherhood and blogging.

CD: Why did you start blogging?

AD: Truth? I was bored. Not a lot to do when you’re sitting on the couch holding a sleeping 8-month-old around the dinner hour. Sure, you can watch the news, but that will only make you cynical. So I was playing on my Blackberry and thought I’d look in to this whole blog thing and I started one called “The Evil That You Know” (which is better than the evil that you don’t know). But I had no clue what I wanted to write about, so I wrote about what I knew, or was learning about, and that was Fatherhood. Changed the name to Fodder 4 Fathers a few weeks later and the rest is history.

CD: What can people expect from your blog? Do you have a specific goal or do you write whatever you feel?

AD: Honesty, open-mindedness, sarcasm, humor, some great links about parenting, and a lot of reality. Mostly, I like that people can’t say that I write the same thing day in and day out. I mix it up a lot and when people think I’m one way I’ll throw them for a loop by tackling something a totally different way than I had before. In the beginning I was planning out posts days ahead, now I just post about things that bother me, or I respond to things I’ve read, or ideas come to me out of thin air. Anything is fair game for me. And everything is good “Fodder” for conversation. Personally, I write best when I’m pissed off about something, and those are the posts my fans tend to like best too.

CD: What has been your biggest challenge as a father?

AD: I like the challenge of fatherhood, but it’s not really a challenge to me, yet. I think I’ve very well suited to parenting infants and toddlers. Diapers, screaming, tantrums and sleepless nights don’t bother me. I’m more afraid of the tween and teen years. I think everything my kids do now is funny, but when my kid comes home telling me she got kicked out of hockey for spearing some other girl, I’m going to be pretty pissed that I can’t get my deposit back. But I guess if there is a challenge for me being an active dad to a 3-year-old and an 8-month-old it’s getting both kids in to the car by myself when I want to go to McDonald’s on a Sunday morning while my wife sleeps in. Actually, the real problem is getting them and my coffee out of the car when we get back home.

CD: What one piece of advice can you give to a new Dad?

AD: “GO BACK!” Sorry, that was Ione Skye’s speech from Say Anything. Actually, my advice to new dads is pretty straight-forward – if you want to be an equal partner in the parenting of your child, do it. Don’t wait for someone to invite you to do it, just do it. Read a parenting book, change a diaper, feed a bottle, take the kid for a stroll by yourself and get a coffee. Take your rightful place in your child’s life. Often parenting is a battle of supremacy for many couples from the beginning, especially as moms want to take the lead with an infant, but don’t let her. Tell her you want to be an equal partner in raising your kids (if that’s what you want— and you should), and work out between the two of you how to split it up in a way that works to both of your strengths.

CD: Do you have any long term goals for your site?

AD: I went from a small fatherhood blog to a full-service website full of resources and advice for a wide variety of parenting issues for both fathers and mothers. Was it planned? Hell yes. My website is far more serious than my blog, or my Facebook presence for that matter, and I always wanted to turn it in to a place where parents could get real answers to real problems without any fluff. Webinars and online courses will be coming in the future and we’ll be writing a book or two as well. I have it all mapped out on a piece of paper that I keep in my sock drawer (and in a big file on my laptop desktop). But I’m always willing to change as the wind does. Who knows what the future really holds. All I know is right now I’m helping people talking about a subject that I love and making some extra pocket change off of it talking about products I liked regardless. It’s a good start. When all is said and done, I just want to help people find the information they actually need without having to read through a lot of BS. If I can do it and make a living, well, that’s would be nice too.

CD: What is your social media weapon of choice and why?

AD: Facebook! Hands down. I like how it allowed me to create a community and doesn’t force me to talk in a limited number of characters on each post. I like to talk, and sometimes I have a lot to say. That’s not to say I don’t have all my Facebook posts connected to my Twitter or LinkedIn feeds. I just use Facebook as my home base. It’s where I’ve been able to grow a very large following of faithful fans and make a lot of page friends who support me and help my little idea – that parents can talk as equals- grow.

CD: How has blogging affected your life?

AD: One day I was a guy with 30 people, all close friends and family, reading my stuff. Two years later I’m a guy who has 18,000 people reading my stuff and my name is all over the Internet linked to newspaper articles, National magazines, podcasts, corporate campaigns and hundreds of blog posts. The other day my website was ranking 2nd on Google under Websites for Fathers. And the coolest thing is people actually come to me for help with their parenting problems, not because I’m an expert, but because I have created a community of very smart, and very knowledgeable parents who have been there. They trust me to get them help, and to keep their secrets, and that’s something that I never expected when I started this whole thing. It really took on a life of its own and its taking me in directions I never thought I would go… but I’m that F4F guy now. That involved dad guy. That guy who talks about making the world a better place for our kids. And it’s a pretty cool thing to be. Sure, I’m also hated by a lot of people for speaking my mind on a myriad of topics, but at least it has people talking about them. Having a blog gave me a voice (an International one) I would have never had otherwise.

A big thanks to Adam for taking the time to answer all my questions. Don’t forget to stop by next Wednesday to read about another amazing Dad!

About F4F Page - Dad and DD

Children’s Activities: Finding a Balance

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We have been racking our brains over what activities to put the kids in this fall and it has proven to be an overwhelming task. On one hand, there are so many great programs out there that I know the kids will love, but the downside is that we risk burning them and ourselves out by trying to fit too much in.

I asked parents if they thought there was a perfect number of activities for children and, not surprisingly, I received a myriad of different answers. The suggestions touched on everything from stress and lack of family time, to cost and enjoyment. I have compiled a few of them here and would love to hear your thoughts in the comments section below:

• I think parents put their kids in far too many these days. Just like we need ‘down time’ so do kids. School, is one thing, but having them in other activities three- five evenings a week, and on weekends is ridiculous. Give them some time to be kids and learn how to make their own fun, use their imaginations, play outside, and to just live a simple life. I think that one extra activity a week is MORE than enough.

• Depends on ages, homework level and family time. We did many more before they were in school. Now I find two a week for each of them is a good balance so they still have time for exercise, school work, chores, friends and family.

• We did a number of activities and the kids enjoyed them…but when we found THE ONE, we dropped everything else and now they LOVE it!

• I definitely think there is such a thing as too many. Kids need time to just “be”. To be quiet, to read, to use their imaginations, to play freely, etc.

• I believe there are too many. I have 2 children, one who is very active. We do dance and if she wants to do a sport she can. Now being in kindergarten, by the time you pick the kid up, do the activity, get home, do homework and eat dinner, its bedtime or past. And you still have to get the bath worked in. My sister has 3 all in school and all have 2 to 3 activities each. She is exhausted getting pulled every direction every night of the week. I think society has forgotten about good old family time!

• Last year we did 4 activities per kid and I found it extremely stressful! Now we are only doing 2 per kid and I feel a HUGE relief (not to mention money savings!)

• There’s def such a thing as too many! We do one or two per season – but keep it quiet-ish in the fall to help set up for a successful return to school season.

• The magic question. We’re waging this debate now at home. Just getting to the ages where the schedules start filling up. We always had them both in swimming and gymnastics, now she wants to play hockey, do we drop one? Fine line between fun and burning them and us out. Feel like we’re at the top of the activity roller coaster, just about to drop in….no turning back now.

As you can see, there are many different opinions on the subject and there are many variables, such as school, number of children and their ages. With the sheer number of programs offered these days, it’s easy to see how you could pick 3-4 activities for your child without even realizing how it is going to affect your family time schedule.

For us, the perfect balance seems to be two activities a week but I really like the idea of searching for the one that they love and then fostering that above the others. Another important point raised was the one regarding the stress and well being of the parent. It’s great to keep your kids active but if the cost is that you suffer at the rest of your parenting duties while trying to be a super parent, is it really worth it?

I want to hear your thoughts on this issue. What is your strategy when it comes to signing your child(ren) up for activities?

An Acceptable Moment To Swear In Front Of Your Mother…Sort Of

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My Momma raised me right. We were taught as children that swearing is wrong, especially in front of family. That said, I’m going to explain to you how, on a rare night out with my Mom, I managed to say to someone, “Sit the f*ck down and shut up!”

Due to someone else’s misfortune, I was fortunate enough to score a ticket to the Eagles concert at the Canadian Tire Centre here in Ottawa. My Mom had offered us both tickets but I thought it would be fun to spend some time together, so off we went. I’m going to stop the story early to let you know how incredible the concert was. Joe Walsh was the rock god he always has been and the harmonies that these guys put together are beyond rival. It was one of the best concerts I’ve ever been to and I’m grateful for the opportunity.

Now, onto the incident…

We were enjoying the first song of the night, when the two women sitting behind us took their seats. That’s when the high pitched, sounds like a cat dying, screams started. It was annoying, for sure, but it was a concert and their $175.00 tickets entitled them to some screaming, whether my mother agreed or not.

Then things got really fun.

The Mother/Daughter duo decided to stand up to dance, which is also acceptable by concert standards. That is, until the mother’s hand came crashing down on the top of my head. You know that smartie thing on the top of baseball caps? Yeah, that. Still, I kept my cool, counting the strikes in my head, secretly knowing there would be a third.

And then it happened!

After her third, double fisted trip from the beer trolley, Happy-Go Drunkie decided to dance with her beer in hand and spilled it all over me. I’m not talking a little droplet here either. I’m a man, and my experience at the Highland Games, dictates that I can handle a few drops of beer in my face from time to time. This was about a quarter bottle of light beer (not even the good stuff) dumped down my back. Having had enough, I immediately stood up and confronted her, to which she answered slurred, “That’s impossible, my Mom doesn’t even drink!” Stunned by her drunkeness, I told her to take it easy (get it, the Eagles), to which she replied that she paid good money and she would do what she wants.

This brings us full circle to me telling her to “Sit the f*ck down and shut up!”, among a couple other things, which prompted my Mother to reply, “Good for you, Honey”. They didn’t make a peep the rest of the show and I even got a “thanks” from a seatmate. And that, my friends, is one of the few acceptable moments to swear in front of your Mother.

Do you have a funny story of swearing in front of your parents? Share it in the comments below!

How Canadians Learn To Ride A Bicycle

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Canadian Cycle

Forget bending over. We have our own methods of teaching our children how to ride!

Are Rules Really Meant To Be Broken?

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Dance Class Window

See that picture above? That’s the tiny little window I get to look through while my 2.5 year old daughter is in her very first dance class. When we chose this particular dance class, it was under the assumption that it would be just the kids and the teachers in the room. After all, that’s why they have two options, one for parents and tots together and another for kids who are okay on their own.

I was so excited for my daughter as we drove to her first class. She had her little tutu and she was all smiles as she entered the room and ran right over to the mat to sit with her teacher. She barely said goodbye to us and I was more than alright with that because I loved to see how happy she was. As the other families began to file in, half of them surprisingly late, I noticed a trend forming. Over half of the children immediately freaked out at the thought of being left in the room alone, so their parents went into the class and participated with them.

I get the first class jitters thing and while it bothered me that the class was basically a wash due to all the disruptions, I was sympathetic to the fact that some of the kids needed to get accustomed to it. Besides, I had my own problems in the hallway with one of the other Dads, who was breaking the unspoken “Dad Rule” by hogging all the tiny window time. Oh, did I mention that his wife was IN the class with their daughter!

We approached the second class cautiously optimistic that all the kids would be good to go in on their own this time. You know, because this was the reason we all chose this class, right? So the kids could explore their new found freedom and independence. The results were shocking. Not only did over half the parents still walk right in to attend the class, they didn’t even try to let their kids go in alone. None of the kids were screaming. None of them were clinging or dragging their feet. So why were the parents in there??

Here’s the thing. I don’t care about whether your child is comfortable being alone in the class or not. I only care about getting the experience I paid my hard earned money for my child to get. So when 5 out of the 9 kids have parents in the small dance room, it is distracting for the kids who are interested in actually listening to the teacher and following her instructions. Not to mention the fact that the small window I fight to watch through is now blocked by parents on the INSIDE of the room!

This is not a rant against the kids who aren’t comfortable going to dance class by themselves. I’m talking about the parents who signed up for the “no parents allowed” class knowing full well that their child wasn’t ready for it. This may all seem a little harsh but c’mon, you know your child better than anybody. Plus, there was another class offered that parents were allowed to participate in. Now my daughter has to watch you having fun with your kid in the class while wondering why her Mommy and Daddy aren’t in there and that’s not fair to her.

My point here is that while you may think your presence in the class isn’t distracting, it actually is. I realize they aren’t actually learning professional dance moves, but through that tiny window, I see the crowded room and the intimidation in my daughter’s eyes as she bumps into another Mom’s leg as she dances, care free, around the room. I mentioned it to the teachers of the class, who agreed with me, but said they couldn’t kick the parents out of the room, which was also not what I wanted. I just wish people would be more conscious of how their actions affect other people. Going forward, I’ll have to start focusing my efforts more on fighting for time at the small window and less on who’s in the room.

Thanks for letting me rant. I don’t do it very often but it felt pretty good to get it all out.

Cheers!

The Thin Line Between Love and Hate

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Father Son

The sting was more than I had I anticipated. I knew this day would come but not this soon. Not now. It seems like just yesterday when we were playing outside in the snow, running, laughing and loving each other’s company. Actually, that was, literally, just yesterday. How did we get from that to this…

“I Hate My Daddy and We’re Not Friends Anymore!”

Of course, I played it totally cool the moment it happened even though my ears and my heart were burning up. All he had to do was say he was sorry to his little sister, who he had just shoved in a fit of anger. It seemed like a reasonable enough request as far as I was concerned, but his refusal landed him in his room for timeout.

Four. That’s how old my precious little bundle of joy is. Four years is all it took for him to go from falling asleep in his rice cereal to figuring out the keys to victory in a showdown with his old man.

Four. That’s how many minutes his timeout would last, unless he was willing to come out and apologize; which he was not.

Four. That’s the amount of minutes I had to sit outside his door and think about a life where my son hated me. It felt like 4 years and I almost caved a number of times but managed to stand my ground.

Where did he even learn that word? It’s not like he knows what it means; at least not in its truest form. We also try not to use any of the no-no words in our house. You know the ones: stupid, jerk, loser, hate, Caillou; see George Carlin for the rest.

He’s bound to hear them all at some point or another. If it wasn’t from me, it was going to be at school or on television, where even toddler programs seem to be pushing the envelope for reasons I can’t explain (I’m looking at you, Arthur).

We sat and talked after the timeout fiasco. We talked about why we should never use that word and how much it can hurt other people. I don’t know if he understood the conversation but he nodded along and then apologized for saying it and for hitting his sister. Oddly enough, I may have been the one who learned the biggest lesson out of all of this. No matter how hard we try to shield our children from the bad things in this world, they are eventually going to find them, so it’s best to be mentally ready for these situations well ahead of time. So far, the only true method I have found to be effective is love, patience and understanding, which I hope rubs off on my kids as they grow older and wiser.

I’m also happy to report that after our chat, my son let me know that we can be friends again, which is all this Dad really needed to hear.

Have your kids told you that they hate you before? If so, what age were they?

Cheers!

Sometimes Parenting Means Eating Froot Loops From The Floor In The Bathroom

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Kelloggs Froot Loops

You’re probably thinking “link bait” on this one, right? Unfortunately, for me, the title is 100% accurate. Let me tell you why I was forced to eat my delicious Kellogg’s Froot Loops from the floor in the bathroom…

I guess I should start by answering the obvious first question: Yes, I am a 34 year old man/husband/father and I still occasionally enjoy a bowl of sugary Froot Loops. While we’re on the subject, once every weekend I even let my kids have a bowl of it. There it is. I am a terrible father and role model.

Now, where were we??? Oh yes, the eating cereal from the bathroom floor thing.

You see, I am a firm believer that crunchy cereal is meant to be enjoyed while it is still in a semi crunchy state. Otherwise, why would it begin crunchy in the first place? It would just come in a can, like soup, and we would either drink it or continue eating it with a spoon as we do now. Of course, that would just be ridiculous.

There is, in fact, an art to cereal eating that I have decided not to bore you with at this time. That being said, one of the key components to enjoy a perfect bowl of cereal is the ability to eat it immediately after the milk has been poured. This becomes difficult when your two year old, almost potty trained, daughter yells “I have to go pee-pee!” as she runs to the bathroom.

What else was I supposed to do? I followed quickly behind her, bowl in hand, as we took our usual places. I can’t say it was my ideal eating conditions but damn if that wasn’t a delicious bowl of cereal!

Have you ever been stuck between a Pot and a Hard Place? Share your story in the comments!

Cheers!

There Were Two In The Bed And The Little One Said, Roll Over!

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Alright, I’m not sure I can keep this bottled up anymore. I am a human being and I need sleep. Not a couple hours here or there, but a whole night’s sleep!

Since my first child was born, four and a half years ago, I think I have had about 20 good sleeps. I’m sure you can do the math on that one. I’m talking about going to bed and not waking up until my alarm says it’s time to wake up, sleeps. Although I know it isn’t true, it feels as though my children have set out to take turns waking up from one night to the next.

There’s really no rhyme or reason to it either. My son would wake with night terrors, even though we are very strict about what the kids watch on TV. My daughter seems to just wake up screaming for no reason, and then falls right back to sleep. As you parents know, even the act of waking up from your sleep for 3 seconds can severely hamper your mood the next day.

We’ve tried what feels like a thousand different ways to help them sleep and so far we haven’t had much luck. My son seems to sleep through the night more and more as he gets older but my daughter has started coming into our room at least once a week, wanting to sleep with Mommy and Daddy.

I’m not someone who can turn down a sad child, so we allow it but it means almost zero sleep for Mommy and Daddy; which also means more friction between Mommy, Daddy and the kids. My wife and I have discussed me going into my daughter’s room to sleep but that solution seems unfair to me, considering my wife runs a daycare, which I consider to be one of the toughest jobs in the world.

As you can imagine, four and a half years is a long time to go with minimal sleep and I can start to feel it catching up to me. I tend to be irritated a lot more than I used to be. I snap at the kids at times, without putting much thought into why. By the time 6 o’clock rolls around, I am basically ready to check out for the day and it’s a terrible feeling to know that I am letting my family down.

So I turn to you, my good readers, to ask if you have any sleep tips to pass along. My daughter is 2 and a half, won’t nap anymore and is generally a disaster by the time supper is done. With a daycare running out of the house, forcing her to try a nap isn’t an option as she’d keep all the other kids up.

Thoughts??

Cheers!