My son’s a good kid. Sure he has his moments, like when I tell him it’s time to turn off MarioKart or when we go to Wal-Mart and bypass the McDonald’s, but overall he’s a good dude.
He’s also a Tasmanian Handsome Devil. Just look at the above picture, I’m not lying.
I took him to get a haircut the other day, a task that used to be a nightmare but which has actually become a pleasant experience as he’s grown older.
When asked what I wanted them to do to his hair, I responded with “Just a bit shorter all the way around, we like to spike it up to give him a faux-hawk too so keep that in mind”.
I sat there with him and watched the procedure, he was good and listened to all the instructions he was given, while occasionally glancing up at the TV, which was playing Toy Story 3.
I’m not sure at what point he pissed of the barber but the end result of his haircut is something he won’t understand until he is much older.
I loved the movie Dumb & Dumber but it’s safe to say that the Lloyd Christmas look was never going to become a “Fad”.
With that in mind, all I have to ask the barber after this particular experience is….
WTF?!?!
Daddy Loves You Lucas! I’m so sorry for letting them do this to you….actually I’m sorry for sharing it with the world too, unfortunately it’s too late to retract it. I know you’ll understand someday!
Cheers!
https://canadiandad.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/CD.png00Chris Readhttps://canadiandad.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/CD.pngChris Read2012-03-11 13:10:052012-03-26 05:33:00An Open Letter To My Son’s Barber
My son has been increasingly amused lately with the different terms associated with going to the bathroom. Toots, Poop, Poo, etc…He thinks they are all hilarious.
My wife and I have been trying to cut down on the potty talk outside of the bathroom and knowing this, my son has been choosing Potty books for his bedtime stories.
It’s rather brilliant really because he knows he can laugh at the word poo to his heart’s content, without getting in trouble. Honestly, I think he may be a genius.
Anyway, he started telling me a very random (and secretly hilarious) story about a Magic piece of Poo the other night. I should of stopped him but he’d clearly put a lot of thought into it and I like to let the kids creative juices flow.
I’m not going to share that story with you because it didn’t make a whole lot of sense. What it did though, was make me wonder whether I have ever seen this Magic Poo and not realized it.
I also realized just how much poop I see on any given day and it scared me a bit.
There’s the dude at work who never seems to remember that he just went to the “Public” bathroom or maybe he just doesn’t know how to flush.
How about the hundreds of dog owners who feel like it’s okay to just leave their dog’s droppings all over the ground, especially through the winter when it’s cold out.
You know that it doesn’t magically disappear overnight right? That stays all winter, in it’s perfect little cocoon until spring, when I have to smell it and scrape it off my kids shoes.
I’m pretty sure none of those poo’s have been of the magical variety but you never know.
The most likely candidates are probably the ones my kids leave lying around the house.
Let’s see, there’s the post bath nugget of joy I found in my daughter’s room after I let her run around in the nude for about 30 seconds.
It could be any one of the many offerings my son has left un-flushed because he doesn’t like to have his bum wiped.
But I’m guessing that if I’ve already come into contact with this mysterious magical poo, it has to be the time my daughter left the big brown shark in the bathtub with her brother.
You can imagine my horror upon hearing her say “poop” and then looking down and noticing it was too late. At that moment I knew that my children would be forever unclean. You can’t un-see something like that.
In the end (pun very much intended), my son believes there is a magical poo and I have no choice but to believe him and hope I never have to meet it.
Thanks for stopping by, feel free to leave a comment below and don’t forget to use the share buttons to warn all your friends of this mysterious creature.
Cheers!
https://canadiandad.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/CD.png00Chris Readhttps://canadiandad.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/CD.pngChris Read2012-03-10 10:45:092012-03-10 14:37:55The Mystery Of The Magic Poo
So here’s the deal, I’ve seen this “Tag You’re It” thing floating around the internet and figured it was just a matter of time before I was hit with it.
That moment came last night when my friend Brandy over at Insane Mamacita tagged me in her post. Here’s the rules.
1) Post these rules.
2) You must post 11 random things about yourself by answering the questions set for you in the post you were tagged in.
3) Create 11 new questions for the people you tag to answer.
4) Go to their blog and tell them you’ve tagged them.
5) You legitimately have to tag 11 people. (Or as many as you know…(Canadian Dad edit))
I’m certainly not “Too Cool For School” so I’ve come up with some answers to her questions and here they are!
1) What is your dream job?
Although it would be nice to be an actor or a stock room clerk at a candy store, my ultimate dream job would be Rock Star for sure. The long hair, the leather pants, oh yeah baby!!
2) If you could choose, would you rather be deaf or blind? Why?
The world has so much to see, so I would absolutely choose to have my sight. Obviously I would choose neither and instead I would find a way to gain super hero powers that allowed me to fight crime with all senses. Also, have you heard babies scream??? Sight it is!
3) What song best suits your life (i.e. what is your theme song)?
There is no clear answer to this one as my life is a montage of different music. I guess if I had to narrow it down though….
Creep – Radiohead (This is how I used to feel most of the time)
I’m Sexy & I Know It – LMFAO (This is how I feel today)
My Hero – Foo Fighters (This song makes me think of my Dad)
Slide – Goo Goo Dolls (This is what I was singing at Karaoke when I reeled in my wife)
Grow Old With You – Adam Sandler (This is the song I sang to her when I proposed)
Twinkle, Twinkle – Daddy (This is the song my kids love over all others)
I could go on forever but you get the point! I dig music!
4) If money was no object and you could do whatever you wanted, what would your perfect day look like?
THIS!
5) Do you prefer baths or showers?
I’ll assume this question was geared for the ladies but I’ll engage. I love showers BUT there are some things that would make me reconsider this option. If the bath was made up of any of the following things:
– Chocolate Sauce (Obvious one)
– Melted Marshmallows (Hot, I know but so good)
– Cinnamon Toast Crunch (Not comfortable or sanitary but delicious)
– Crown Royal (I would have to go to sleep immediately afterwards though)
– Pizza, Ribs, Hockey & Chicken Wings (I don’t know how this would work but….HEAVEN!!!)
6) What is your favourite book?
Another tough one, so many books come to mind….Here’s a short list of favorites:
– The Bourne Trilogy – Robert Ludlum (Great Stuff!)
– The Hockey Sweater – Roch Carrier (Stupid parents buy their kid a Leafs jersey! Habs rule! Leafs suck!)
– Dora’s Potty Book (On my daily reads list!)
– Birdman & The Treatment – Mo Hayder (The best One-Two punch I’ve ever read! Hayder is a sick, sick woman)
– The Hockey News (Yep, it’s a magazine about hockey and I am a man. Do the math!)
As you can tell, I don’t read a lot of books that have any kind of substance, lol. Sue me!
7) What is the craziest thing you have ever done?
Admittedly, I’m not much of a risk taker. No sky diving or para-sailing for this guy, especially not since having kids.
I guess my answer would be between swimming with Sting Rays and having kids, LOL. (Note: I tried out and got through a couple rounds on Canadian Idol but I don’t know if I consider that crazy.)
8 ) What is your favourite TV show of all time and why?
Cmon, these questions are unfair! There are so many shows that define me. My official answer is “Lost” of course but here are some others:
– Saved By The Bell (Classic!!)
– King of Queens (Fave comedy)
– The League (Sports nerd show, the funniest on TV right now)
– Every reality show on TV (Yes, that includes The Bachelorette and Jersey Shore!)
9) What was your favourite toy as a kid?
Original Nintendo. That’s it. There were no other toys.
10) What do you do when (you think) no one is looking?
1) What SuperHero would you be if you could choose one? You could make one up if you want!
2) What is your dream job?
3) Who is your favorite Canadian Dad TV Dad?
4) Where is your ultimate vacation destination?
5) What do you do when you think no one is watching?
6) What reality show would you be on if you could pick one?
7) Why do birds suddenly appear, every time you are near?
8 ) What could you do better as a parent?
9) What/Who’s music inspires you?
10) What is your favorite activity to do with your kids?
11) Tell us something interesting about you that very few people know about?
TAG! You’re It!!
https://canadiandad.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/CD.png00Chris Readhttps://canadiandad.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/CD.pngChris Read2012-03-08 13:11:562012-03-08 17:41:5611 Random Thoughts About Canadian Dad
The Concise Oxford English Dictionary defines WOOT as a word used to express elation, enthusiasm, or triumph.
Wait…WHAT?! This word is in the Concise Oxford English Dictionary???
I don’t know about you but when I took English in high school, my book report’s were full of Shakespeare and Mordecai Richler. I had no idea what was going on in those books and that’s why I repeated Grade 12 English 3 times….
With this new wave of ridiculous and confusing words, how am I supposed to help my children with their book report’s when the materialwill be the likes of “Justin Bieber’s Woot Woot Holla” and “Tracey’s #Twittatastic #Twittcrastination”?
Another problem I have with “Wooting”, is that in order to fit in new words, the Concise Oxford English Dictionary has to eliminate words.
Do you know what word they eliminated to make room?
DO YOU?!?!
It was the word Growlery. Do you know what a growlery is? I do because I have had one.
A Growlery is a “place to growl in, private room, den”. Where are me and my buddies going to growl at now?
Once I had calmed down, I emerged from my newly crowned “Wootery” and came up with this list of 5 new terms I would like to see added to the Concise Oxford English Dictionary, so that us men can claim back some of our manhood.
1. Couching – Not the embroidery tactic either, I would have that removed first. Couching is what Daddy wants to do after a long day at the office (after play time of course). Couching most likely involves watching sports or wrestling.
2. DisPinterested – A word to express a Man’s feelings towards Pinterest. Nuff Said.
3. Gameril – A medication, to be invented at a later date, to help men deal with an unexpected extended absence from the ability to play video games.
4. Man-O-Tron – {Multiple Meanings} a) used to describe a man who uses his ability to see things that only other men can see without actually looking directly at the object eg. Dude, you went so Man-O-Tron back there. b) a fictional robot that does a man’s chores for him. c) the nerdy awesome user name all men fight over in video game forums.
5. Bearpunch – A slang term to remind men what to do if they find themselves face to face with a bear or larger man.
I have submitted my list to the fine folks at the Concise Oxford English Dictionary and hope to hear back soon.
In the meantime, I hope my message is clear. I encourage all of you to join my efforts to “Give The Boot To The Woot!”
You can join me on Twitter @CanadianDadBlog as I launch my campaign to #BootTheWoot and please feel free to share your #BootTheWoot stories in the comments section!
Help me to build a brighter, Wootless world for our children!
I’ve decided to add a new feature here at Canadian Dad. It’s a segment I like to call “Ask Dad” and is open to everyone from all walks of life.
I’ll be taking questions and then posting the best answers I can think of at some point each week. You can ask about anything you feel like, be it Serious, Ridiculous or Straight Up Insane and I will answer them to the best of my serious/humorous abilities.
Do you want to know how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie pop?
Interested in finding out how to be more awesome??? Ask Dad! I’ll tell you!
You can send all your questions to [email protected] and I’ll go through and pick out the best ones from each week.
Don’t want to email, send me a tweet with the #askdad and make sure to include my handle @canadiandadblog and I’ll grab them from there as well!
Now start asking, my mind is exploding with knowledge!!!
As a shift worker, it’s important to me to be able to make sure my family is safe while I’m not there. That’s why I’m so excited to be working with Rogers on their innovative new Smart Home Monitoring Systems. The comfort I get knowing my family is safe helps me rest easy while I’m at work. The Rogers Smart Home Monitoring System allows you to see who’s at your door, even when you’re not there, just by checking your smart phone or tablet*.
Staring March 1st, you can enter to WIN 1 of 5 Smart Home Monitoring Systems from Rogers. The prize is valued just over $1,500 {for Ontario residents only} and ends May 16, 2012. Enter Here Today!
You can earn Extra Ballots for this contest by sharing with your friends and family so be sure to SHARE, SHARE, SHARE!!
The Rogers Smart Home Monitoring System features:
* Real time 24/7 monitoring,
* Instant customizable alerts,
* View and control your home remotely,
* Ability to automate sensors, thermostat, lights and appliances,
* Save energy and save money,
* Much, much more.**
When you go to the Contest Page,there are just 4 easy steps needed to enter:
Page 1: Enter the contest by providing your contact information
Page 2: Answer a “what’s important to you” question (Don’t worry, there’s only 3 boxes to click)
Page 3: Check the boxes that apply to you (4 survey questions)
Page 4: Share! Increase your chances of winning by sharing via social channels/email (there are simple share buttons for Facebook, Twitter & Email) but you can share it other places as long as you use your PURL.
For more info on how the Rogers Smart Home Monitoring System works, check out this video!
*Works with any smart phone/tablet, please visit the Rogers website for more details.
**System connected by wires and via cellular.
Disclaimer: Canadian Dad or those affiliated with this blog are not responsible for any changes Rogers may make, choosing the winner or shipping this prize. I have been hired by a marketing company on behalf of Rogers Smart Home to share this contest with you.
https://canadiandad.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/CD.png00Chris Readhttps://canadiandad.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/CD.pngChris Read2012-03-02 19:03:332013-02-08 11:19:41Win 1 of 5 #RogersSmartHome Monitoring Systems – Value $1500+ (Ontario Only)
Imagine a world where you could swing from tall building to tall building. A place where you were counted on by millions to save the day! You could have your own statue and people would chant your name in the streets as you swung on by.
That’s the world I dreamt about one day having, but those dreams have since come crashing down. You see, my young son also has aspirations of swinging from building to building as the amazing Spider-Man and that’s where my dreams end.
Have you ever tried to rationalize with a 3 year old? It goes something like this.
Me: “Hey Luke, what color is this orange?”
Luke: “Umm, Blue.”
Me: “No, it’s orange.”
Luke: “BLUE!”
And so on and so on. You can imagine the way the debate goes when he’s arguing for something he really wants. In this article’s case, it’s the chance to become Spider-Man for our daily super hero showdown.
Sure I could pick from any number of other super heroes but it’s just not the same. Here’s how I break down the other choices.
Batman is cool and all but he’s so dark that people don’t want to hang out with him or cheer his name. They’re more afraid that he could snap at any minute and go rogue on all their asses. Not to mention his alter ego, Bruce Wayne, is a complete jackass playboy millionaire. Actually, that doesn’t sound so bad…
Superman would probably be my number 3 option but that’s most likely due to the fact that the actor who played him, Christopher Reeve, has a name very similar to my own. Also, Superman’s alter ego, Clark Kent, is a little too weird for me. Grow some balls man and stop being such a klutz dude!
Iron Man is relatively new to the scene, Ironman seems like someone to keep an eye on for all you superhero dad’s out there. I like the cut of his jib, in and out of costume. Tony Stark seems like a cool cat, albeit a little neurotic. The only issue is that people still aren’t sure about Iron Man, so the glory part is missing. In the end, I usually pick Iron Man as my go to guy when my Spiderman dreams go south.
Cat Woman would be an excellent choice but I am missing one key element which keeps me from becoming Catwoman and I’m sure you can probably guess what it is. That’s correct, I don’t have a cat suit. Nuts.
As you can see from the above breakdown, none of these options is even close to being as cool as Spiderman. He has so much to offer and I feel like we are a lot alike.
For instance,
– Peter Parker works as a photographer for the Daily Bugle, while I sometimes add pictures to my blog.
– Spider-Man often saves the world by foiling other super villain’s plans, while at my day job, I save the world by helping to put petty criminals behind bars.
– Peter Parker is kind of nerdy but also sticks up for himself when he needs to, and I often find myself in situations where I should speak up. Plus I am also a nerd.
– Finally, Spider-Man is loved by all and has droves of fans all over the world, while that is how I am perceived by all as well. At least in my own fantasy land, called Chris-Ville (Facebook game coming to a screen near you).
I wish there was a way for me to get this across to my son. He doesn’t even know who Spider-Man is. He’s never seen the movie, tv show or comics. He only knows about Spider-Man from Halloween so I don’t see how it’s fair the he always gets to portray him.
If the world needed a real super hero to save them, would they choose a 3 year old or a slightly overweight grown man. Sure I’m a little short and I use the term “slighty” overweight loosely but c’mon man, a 3 year old?
Something has to give, but so far, my attempts to get him interested in other super heroes have fallen by the wayside. He is firm in his belief that he is in fact Spider-Man as I am forced to continue selecting second rate super heroes.
Do your kids have a favorite character they like to be? Do you know how to get my son to hate Spider-Man? Please, I’m begging you to let me know what I need to do to get this done. Let me know in the comments section.
Also, please feel free to share this post with your favorite social media outlet. I am on so many sites now, I don’t know which way is up. Pin Me I guess…..I don’t get Pinterest yet.
Cheers!
https://canadiandad.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/CD.png00Chris Readhttps://canadiandad.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/CD.pngChris Read2012-03-01 12:58:562012-03-01 13:00:58Why Can’t I Be Spider-Man For Once?
#3 – Toots are hilarious, no matter the time or place they happen. I was already aware of this one but wanted to include it for those of you who had forgotten.
#4 – I am not allowed to be Spiderman. He is always Spiderman and I have to pick from the leftover super heroes. Note: He’s never seen Spiderman other than in toy form. Also, I wish I could be Spiderman.
#5 – Sharing is optional when he has something but is mandatory when he wants something.
#6 – No matter what episode of The Backyardigans I choose to play from the PVR, it’s the wrong one. There are 32 episodes on there and only one is correct each time.
#7 – Nana brings Donuts, therefore Nana is more valuable than Mommy and Daddy.
#8 – Going to WalMart means we’re either getting McDonald’s or Toys. There are no other reasons to go to WalMart.
#9 – Hide and Seek is still fun if you hide in the same place every time. Also, if you’re not found in 3 seconds, it is acceptable to stand up and say “Here I am!”
#10 – Hockey is boring but dropping rocks in sewers is amazing!
#11 – Banana’s are gross! So are grapes, strawberries, oranges, carrots, cucumbers, broccoli, blueberries and any food with colours in them.
#12 – If at first you don’t succeed, move on to something else. I’m working on this one….
#13 – Every game is called “I Win”, even if there are no winners and losers. Ex: Putting the last piece in a puzzle you do together is a win for you. I do not ever get to put the last piece in.
That’s all for now! As you can see, I’ve learned so much in my short term as a parent that it’s hard to keep track of it all.
I know there’s much more to learn from him and maybe I’ll revisit this when I have enough knowledge to share with you all.
Do your kids have any fun beliefs? Feel free to share them in the comments section and as always, don’t be afraid to share and tweet this post if you feel so inclined.
Cheers!!
https://canadiandad.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/CD.png00Chris Readhttps://canadiandad.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/CD.pngChris Read2012-02-27 22:16:012012-03-10 10:26:29Wisdom Imparted To Me By My 3 Year Old Son
I took my son to this new kids place in Ottawa called FunHaven. Anyone who knows me is aware that I like going to these types of places about as much as the kids do, so my excitement level was pretty high.
Before we left the house, my son gave me some more material for my “Sh*t My Kids Say” section. Strange kid for sure, lol.
On to the show, we arrived at our destination and we were both giddy with anticipation at what lay ahead.
We got to the counter and paid for the package that included jungle gym time + the mini bowling experience. It was about $24 after taxes, which seemed reasonable, plus I didn’t have to pay to supervise my son, which is a plus for me.
I was excited to play the bumper cars but they were all broken so it was a No-Go. Disappointed to say the least.
Ah well, at least we had the mini bowling to look forward to. Or at least we thought we did.
There were 4 lanes for mini bowling, however 3 of them were broken and the line of people waiting for the single open lane was staggering. We opted for the jungle area with ball pit.
The first thing I noticed about the jungle area is that they had employees standing at the gates but they didn’t seem to be doing anything. My son and I walked right in and then right out again with no questions. I’m not really sure what their role was but I’m hoping it wasn’t to make sure kids didn’t leave unattended because they were not paying attention at all.
The Jungle/Ball Pit is neat. It has these cool cannons that fire harmless foam balls around the open area in the middle of it all. We went to try it but once again a couple of them were broken, leaving only a couple other cannons for like 40 kids. My son is only three and I’m not a parent that can approach other people’s kids to tell them to share. It just doesn’t feel right.
The other issue I had with the jungle area was that there was no one enforcing any sort of order in there. There were kids climbing up the slides and others throwing balls at kids coming down the slides (including my son). I agree that it is the parents responsibility to discipline their kids but from looking around, I could tell that most of the parent’s there had no interest in discipline and were there for the rest on the couches.
Once we left the jungle area, we decided to try out the bowling again. It looked like one of the broken lanes was fixed but upon closer inspection, it was zapping in and out of consciousness. I asked an employee about it but he just shrugged and walked away with no explanation. We threw a couple balls while it worked but my son was getting frustrated at the fact that it kept breaking dow so we moved on.
The gaming area was alright, we played some spin the wheel game and sat in the racing car game seats. My son thought he was driving the car, which was probably the highlight for me, lol. “I won, I won” he exclaimed at one point.
We got a swipe card when we got in (standard procedure at these types of places now) and when I decided it was time to go, we went to see how many points he had on it. 59 points was the total and the girl at the counter was very nice and bumped us up to 60 so my son could get what he wanted.
Overall, I was disappointed with our trip to FunHaven and thought it was going to be a lot more fun than it turned out to be. A lot of stuff was broken, Mini bowling, bumper cars, 2 cannons and a couple of the toddler games. There were some pluses such as price and prizes but it definitely wasn’t an experience to write home about.
I was also disappointed at the lack of stuff for anyone under 3-4 years old to do. They have one play structure but that’s about it. For people with young families, this is not somewhere to bring your very young kids.
I think from now on we’ll stick to Cosmic Adventures. They are a little more expensive but you get way more for your money in my opinion. I hate doing negative reviews but I can only call it the way we saw it. Too much broken equipment for such a new place.
Have you been to FunHaven? Let me know what you thought, who knows, you might even change my mind about it!
Cheers!
https://canadiandad.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/CD.png00Chris Readhttps://canadiandad.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/CD.pngChris Read2012-02-26 21:14:062012-03-10 05:10:20Review: FunHaven in Ottawa
