Why Can’t I Be Spider-Man For Once?

Imagine a world where you could swing from tall building to tall building. A place where you were counted on by millions to save the day! You could have your own statue and people would chant your name in the streets as you swung on by.

That’s the world I dreamt about one day having, but those dreams have since come crashing down. You see, my young son also has aspirations of swinging from building to building as the amazing Spider-Man and that’s where my dreams end.

Have you ever tried to rationalize with a 3 year old? It goes something like this.

Me: “Hey Luke, what color is this orange?”
Luke: “Umm, Blue.”
Me: “No, it’s orange.”
Luke: “BLUE!”

And so on and so on. You can imagine the way the debate goes when he’s arguing for something he really wants. In this article’s case, it’s the chance to become Spider-Man for our daily super hero showdown.

Sure I could pick from any number of other super heroes but it’s just not the same. Here’s how I break down the other choices.

Batman is cool and all but he’s so dark that people don’t want to hang out with him or cheer his name. They’re more afraid that he could snap at any minute and go rogue on all their asses. Not to mention his alter ego, Bruce Wayne, is a complete jackass playboy millionaire. Actually, that doesn’t sound so bad…

Superman would probably be my number 3 option but that’s most likely due to the fact that the actor who played him, Christopher Reeve, has a name very similar to my own. Also, Superman’s alter ego, Clark Kent, is a little too weird for me. Grow some balls man and stop being such a klutz dude!

Iron Man is relatively new to the scene, Ironman seems like someone to keep an eye on for all you superhero dad’s out there. I like the cut of his jib, in and out of costume. Tony Stark seems like a cool cat, albeit a little neurotic. The only issue is that people still aren’t sure about Iron Man, so the glory part is missing. In the end, I usually pick Iron Man as my go to guy when my Spiderman dreams go south.

Cat Woman would be an excellent choice but I am missing one key element which keeps me from becoming Catwoman and I’m sure you can probably guess what it is. That’s correct, I don’t have a cat suit. Nuts.

As you can see from the above breakdown, none of these options is even close to being as cool as Spiderman. He has so much to offer and I feel like we are a lot alike.

For instance,

– Peter Parker works as a photographer for the Daily Bugle, while I sometimes add pictures to my blog.
– Spider-Man often saves the world by foiling other super villain’s plans, while at my day job, I save the world by helping to put petty criminals behind bars.
– Peter Parker is kind of nerdy but also sticks up for himself when he needs to, and I often find myself in situations where I should speak up. Plus I am also a nerd.
– Finally, Spider-Man is loved by all and has droves of fans all over the world, while that is how I am perceived by all as well. At least in my own fantasy land, called Chris-Ville (Facebook game coming to a screen near you).

I wish there was a way for me to get this across to my son. He doesn’t even know who Spider-Man is. He’s never seen the movie, tv show or comics. He only knows about Spider-Man from Halloween so I don’t see how it’s fair the he always gets to portray him.

If the world needed a real super hero to save them, would they choose a 3 year old or a slightly overweight grown man. Sure I’m a little short and I use the term “slighty” overweight loosely but c’mon man, a 3 year old?

Something has to give, but so far, my attempts to get him interested in other super heroes have fallen by the wayside. He is firm in his belief that he is in fact Spider-Man as I am forced to continue selecting second rate super heroes.

Do your kids have a favorite character they like to be? Do you know how to get my son to hate Spider-Man? Please, I’m begging you to let me know what I need to do to get this done. Let me know in the comments section.

Also, please feel free to share this post with your favorite social media outlet. I am on so many sites now, I don’t know which way is up. Pin Me I guess…..I don’t get Pinterest yet.

Cheers!

28 replies
  1. melanie jean juneau
    melanie jean juneau says:

    I send my deepest sympathy to you, dear friend but I am afraid NOTHING will change your little boy’s fantasy. Anthony honoured three heroe all at once- Batman, Zorro and the Canadian Mounties .For YEARS he simultaneously wore a black caoe, purple Batman sweat shirt, black barn boots, and a huge grey felt hat He wore it everywhere, occassionally leaping downstairs or in th middle of a hallway.; Just grin and bear it, just grin bear it( another of my mottos). smile–melanie

    Reply
    • Chris
      Chris says:

      Disappointing to say the least Melanie! At least Anthony went with the Mounties, not a bad group to represent:)

      Reply
  2. Georgia Read
    Georgia Read says:

    I remember a little boy (Chris) who wanted to be Superman badly! I don’t think anyone could have changed your mind either..lol Even to the point of writing his name on walls..lol lol. I asked one day who wrote Superman on my wall…you said it wasn’t me even though I knew it was cause Ron couldn’t write yet..lol A little while later you said I didn’t write Superman….I wrote Supeman…LOL Everyone needs to be a hero sometime in their lives..lol

    Reply
    • Chris
      Chris says:

      Yep folks, that’s my Mom, embarrassing me with stories of my youth, much as I am doing with my kids right now, lol. And I believe I wrote Supperman because I remember being continually teased about it even to this day:))

      Reply
  3. Sean Barker
    Sean Barker says:

    Chris, i think i have the answer you’re looking for. I know that all little boys want to be Spider-Man and they think he’s soooo coool! (They’re Right) But try this. Its great to see Spider-Man on TV and the same goes for Spiders… Tell Luke if he wants to be Spider-Man he has to handle a “live spider” as they are Spidey’s friends. I see all Pros here and few Cons.

    Pros
    -He handles the spider and conquers a natural human fear making him stronger than you and the decision of who should be Spidey is clear.
    -He’s terrified, creates a ridiculous phobia and you get to be Spidey forever, and Little Buggers has a new Client for the future$
    Cons
    -His New Phobia means you never sleep again LOL.

    Reply
    • Chris
      Chris says:

      I’ve seen him handle spiders, he definitely doesn’t run away. It’s also forced Daddy into an unnatural joy of seeing a spider so I can step up and do my calm, manly duty in removing said spider. Gross!

      Reply
  4. Leslie
    Leslie says:

    Sorry 3 yr olds are much better candidates for spiderman! I’ve seen my son fly down the stairs on his belly, jump from countertops and twist himself in ways no grown man would want to imagine! Try some of your sons spidey moves and the see if you still think you’ve got the right stuff! This mom knows her little spidey has some kind of superpowers!

    Reply
    • Chris
      Chris says:

      I pull off some pretty solid moves out in the snow, where the impact doesn’t hurt nearly as bad as when i tried to jump off the banister onto the ground below…..You’re probably right though, Iron Man it is!

      Reply
  5. MommyMatter
    MommyMatter says:

    HAHAHA! Chris, this is epic. In my household, I am batman. Even have inherited quite a few Batman things over the years. My Mom started it when we started working together, and the name stuck.

    Think it’s time you get a cat suit. I’ve yet to meet a catwo”man”….

    Reply
    • Chris
      Chris says:

      My advice is to send him subtle hints now as to who you’d like to be. That way you just become that when you play.

      Reply
  6. Nicole | Domesticated Momma
    Nicole | Domesticated Momma says:

    Haha! Great post!

    My daughter fantasizes about being Tinkerbell. Fairy wings. Pixie Dust et al.

    I only give it a few months before my son jumps into loving the world of superheroes.

    Bah – I was going to write more and my blabbering husband totally just made me lose my train of thought.

    Reply
    • Chris
      Chris says:

      My daughter is all about Tinkerbell right now! It’s borderline insane!

      Don’t worry about your husband, you are welcome to come back and comment anytime 🙂

      Reply
  7. Kathryn
    Kathryn says:

    This is hilarious, Chris! With us it was Hot Wheels cars; my son would always be a race car driver, which was fine because there could be more than one. But when we played with the actual cars…oh my. “No, you can’t be THAT one! That’s Asphalt Assault, he’s my favourite! No, Strip Teaser is my favourite too! Here, you can be Twin Mill.” Nothing like a stubborn toddler. 😉

    Reply
    • Chris
      Chris says:

      We have this argument about the cars from the movie Cars. He always wants to be all of the characters and leaves me with the no name guys. Brutal! Is is too much to want to be Mater for one afternoon???

      Reply
  8. Loukia
    Loukia says:

    My son bit into a glow stick the other day. My first thought was… great… I wonder what his super power will be?

    Reply
  9. PositivelyPamperedPatty
    PositivelyPamperedPatty says:

    Lol I love this post. My older brother had never grown out of comic books and is now an avid collector. My son is 7 and just getting into comics, I am truly loving this time. I get to live all the excitement of the characters all over again with him, through his eyes. I have one daughter who is also into comics and I have to say it’s pretty cool.

    I have to admit Spidey is still up there as one of my favorites. Now I get the humor more than I did as a child. You may just be stuck with him. lol

    Reply
    • Chris
      Chris says:

      Thanks! I’ve been coming to grips with the fact that I’m not Spider-Man material and have switched my focus to IronMan as he seems like my next best bet.

      Reply
  10. Alison
    Alison says:

    Amazing how boys are all the same, however the superhero that lives at my house is Batman. He only takes off the costume to go to the bathroom or have a bath, then it’s right back on again. One day after waking from his nap I asked what he’d like to do and his honest response was “I’m Batman, I have to save the day.”

    Reply

Trackbacks & Pingbacks

  1. Guest Noodling: My Kids Comfort Items Are More Important Than Me! says:

    […] Dad! We’re always happy to see other dads around here, and, c’mon, anyone who puts this much thought into superheros is gonna fit in juuuuusssst fine around here. So welcome, and let’s make him feel at […]

Leave a Reply

Want to join the discussion?
Feel free to contribute!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *