Was I Not Supposed To Watch The Hunger Games

I’ve been lucky enough to have been invited to do some writing for the “Life Of Dad” website.

I decided to make my first post over there about my experience at the premiere for The Hunger Games last night.

Sooo, If you want to find out how I ended up on a National radio show because of my tweets or If you’re interested in finding out about my crazy 24 hours of emotions, from happy to depressed to happy again…

CLICK HERE!!! to read the whole story.

Cheers!!

Front Runner For Toy Of The Year

My kids have a LOT of toys! They live in a house that is also home to a Day Care, so there is never a time where a toy isn’t within arms reach.

Do you know that we had our first nice day of the spring today? Yep, I spent 10 minutes dragging all my kids toys out of the garage so that they could enjoy them in this beautiful weather.

There were other things going on too. Some neighbourhood kids came over, I did groceries, Oh Yeah, and I took the garbage out to the curb.

With all the glorious toy goodness the kids had to play with, I was excited to see how they were going to react.

Were they going to play with their new PlasmaCars???

NOPE!

Most Definitely they’d be using their new hockey nets though!! Right?

WRONG AGAIN!!

You can imagine my surprise, after all my hard work, to find that the most popular toy of the day was in fact something that I had put out with the garbage.


There you have it folks! The 2012 Toy Of The Year is…..

Random Cardboard Box?!

Remember that when you are debating whether or not to get the $600 Kid sized Hummer from Toys R Us. It may look cool to you but the box it comes in will look a lot cooler to your kid!

Ever found your kids wasting your hard earned money by playing with garbage?? Share your story in he comments section and we can all console each other.

Cheers!

Diagnosis: Fat!

I was hanging out with some friends the other day (yes, I have friends). As we always do, we were telling the same old recycled stories we always do, while laughing at them as hard as we always do.

It occurred to me, in that moment, that my new blog has given me a new venue to tell these stories and I thought I would share one with you right now.

It all began with some back pain.

I had been experiencing some pretty severe hip and back pain for a few months before I finally decided to go to the doctor to discuss it.

He did some tests but in the end decided it would be best for me to see a specialist.

I’m going to interrupt the story here to let you know that for about 3 years, I dealt with a pretty intense bout of hypochondria. I probably visited the emergency room more than some doctors and that’s no lie.

So to hear that I was going to see a specialist was both good and bad news.

The good news was that I was going to see the magical specialist who would fix all my problems and send me on my way.

The bad news was that my doctor didn’t know what was wrong and I was going to a specialist because I was most likely going to die.

5 months later…my turn in the specialist appointment line had come. I waited patiently in the bacteria pit and taunted the other patients with my strut as my name was called.

I gave the doctor my test results and he looked them over in a very serious manner. He asked questions about my work life and general habits which I feel I answered to the best of my abilities.

After what felt like an hour (probably more like 3 minutes), he was ready for the diagnosis. Here is a word for word account of the results.

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Doctor: “Okay, so here’s what I want you to do”

Me: (Very excited at the possibility of recovery) “Okay, I’m listening” (Notepad and pen ready because I forget things)

Doctor: “I need you to go to a Wal-Mart or Department Store”

Me: “Okay, great!”

Doctor: “You’re going to go in there and you’re going to want to buy yourself a good scale”

Me: “Scale. Got it!” (Huh? He’s a doctor, so we soldier on, no questions asked)

Doctor: “Then you’re going to go home and stand on it. Then write down the number.”

Me: “Write down the number. Check!”….”Like my weight, you mean?”

Doctor: “Yeah, your weight. After that, I want to you to get on it again each day and make the number equal less than the day before”

Me: (Pathetic, fat, hypochondriac finally gets the message) “Yes sir…”

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At first I was mortified at the response and even a little angry. That was actually one of the first times in my life I had been called fat and I’ll never forget it.

It was also one of the first moments that made me realize how ridiculous my obsession with dying had become. I can’t say I’ve done the best job with his advice from that day but I have managed to conquer my anxiety towards death and that’s a big step for me…and for my wife, who I’m sure was getting tired of all the complaining!

Don’t worry, I still complain. The difference is that now I complain about real issues, like why I have to do dishes or why the cars drive so fast on our street when there are so many kids outside playing.

In the end, the angry from the diagnosis subsided at about the same time that I told the story to my friends for the first time. The laughter that ensued at my expense made me grateful to have had the experience at all.

Hope you all have a great day!!!

Cheers!!!

An Open Letter To My Son’s Barber

My son’s a good kid. Sure he has his moments, like when I tell him it’s time to turn off MarioKart or when we go to Wal-Mart and bypass the McDonald’s, but overall he’s a good dude.

He’s also a Tasmanian Handsome Devil. Just look at the above picture, I’m not lying.

I took him to get a haircut the other day, a task that used to be a nightmare but which has actually become a pleasant experience as he’s grown older.

When asked what I wanted them to do to his hair, I responded with “Just a bit shorter all the way around, we like to spike it up to give him a faux-hawk too so keep that in mind”.

I sat there with him and watched the procedure, he was good and listened to all the instructions he was given, while occasionally glancing up at the TV, which was playing Toy Story 3.

I’m not sure at what point he pissed of the barber but the end result of his haircut is something he won’t understand until he is much older.

I loved the movie Dumb & Dumber but it’s safe to say that the Lloyd Christmas look was never going to become a “Fad”.

With that in mind, all I have to ask the barber after this particular experience is….

WTF?!?!

Daddy Loves You Lucas! I’m so sorry for letting them do this to you….actually I’m sorry for sharing it with the world too, unfortunately it’s too late to retract it. I know you’ll understand someday!

Cheers!

The Mystery Of The Magic Poo

My son has been increasingly amused lately with the different terms associated with going to the bathroom. Toots, Poop, Poo, etc…He thinks they are all hilarious.

My wife and I have been trying to cut down on the potty talk outside of the bathroom and knowing this, my son has been choosing Potty books for his bedtime stories.

It’s rather brilliant really because he knows he can laugh at the word poo to his heart’s content, without getting in trouble. Honestly, I think he may be a genius.

Anyway, he started telling me a very random (and secretly hilarious) story about a Magic piece of Poo the other night. I should of stopped him but he’d clearly put a lot of thought into it and I like to let the kids creative juices flow.

I’m not going to share that story with you because it didn’t make a whole lot of sense. What it did though, was make me wonder whether I have ever seen this Magic Poo and not realized it.

I also realized just how much poop I see on any given day and it scared me a bit.

There’s the dude at work who never seems to remember that he just went to the “Public” bathroom or maybe he just doesn’t know how to flush.

How about the hundreds of dog owners who feel like it’s okay to just leave their dog’s droppings all over the ground, especially through the winter when it’s cold out.

You know that it doesn’t magically disappear overnight right? That stays all winter, in it’s perfect little cocoon until spring, when I have to smell it and scrape it off my kids shoes.

I’m pretty sure none of those poo’s have been of the magical variety but you never know.

The most likely candidates are probably the ones my kids leave lying around the house.

Let’s see, there’s the post bath nugget of joy I found in my daughter’s room after I let her run around in the nude for about 30 seconds.

It could be any one of the many offerings my son has left un-flushed because he doesn’t like to have his bum wiped.

But I’m guessing that if I’ve already come into contact with this mysterious magical poo, it has to be the time my daughter left the big brown shark in the bathtub with her brother.

You can imagine my horror upon hearing her say “poop” and then looking down and noticing it was too late. At that moment I knew that my children would be forever unclean. You can’t un-see something like that.

In the end (pun very much intended), my son believes there is a magical poo and I have no choice but to believe him and hope I never have to meet it.

Thanks for stopping by, feel free to leave a comment below and don’t forget to use the share buttons to warn all your friends of this mysterious creature.

Cheers!

11 Random Thoughts About Canadian Dad

So here’s the deal, I’ve seen this “Tag You’re It” thing floating around the internet and figured it was just a matter of time before I was hit with it.

That moment came last night when my friend Brandy over at Insane Mamacita tagged me in her post. Here’s the rules.

1) Post these rules.
2) You must post 11 random things about yourself by answering the questions set for you in the post you were tagged in.
3) Create 11 new questions for the people you tag to answer.
4) Go to their blog and tell them you’ve tagged them.
5) You legitimately have to tag 11 people. (Or as many as you know…(Canadian Dad edit))

I’m certainly not “Too Cool For School” so I’ve come up with some answers to her questions and here they are!

1) What is your dream job?

Although it would be nice to be an actor or a stock room clerk at a candy store, my ultimate dream job would be Rock Star for sure. The long hair, the leather pants, oh yeah baby!!

2) If you could choose, would you rather be deaf or blind? Why?

The world has so much to see, so I would absolutely choose to have my sight. Obviously I would choose neither and instead I would find a way to gain super hero powers that allowed me to fight crime with all senses. Also, have you heard babies scream??? Sight it is!

3) What song best suits your life (i.e. what is your theme song)?

There is no clear answer to this one as my life is a montage of different music. I guess if I had to narrow it down though….

Creep – Radiohead (This is how I used to feel most of the time)
I’m Sexy & I Know It – LMFAO (This is how I feel today)
My Hero – Foo Fighters (This song makes me think of my Dad)
Slide – Goo Goo Dolls (This is what I was singing at Karaoke when I reeled in my wife)
Grow Old With You – Adam Sandler (This is the song I sang to her when I proposed)
Twinkle, Twinkle – Daddy (This is the song my kids love over all others)

I could go on forever but you get the point! I dig music!

4) If money was no object and you could do whatever you wanted, what would your perfect day look like?

THIS!

5) Do you prefer baths or showers?

I’ll assume this question was geared for the ladies but I’ll engage. I love showers BUT there are some things that would make me reconsider this option. If the bath was made up of any of the following things:

– Chocolate Sauce (Obvious one)
– Melted Marshmallows (Hot, I know but so good)
– Cinnamon Toast Crunch (Not comfortable or sanitary but delicious)
– Crown Royal (I would have to go to sleep immediately afterwards though)
– Pizza, Ribs, Hockey & Chicken Wings (I don’t know how this would work but….HEAVEN!!!)

6) What is your favourite book?

Another tough one, so many books come to mind….Here’s a short list of favorites:

– The Bourne Trilogy – Robert Ludlum (Great Stuff!)
– The Hockey Sweater – Roch Carrier (Stupid parents buy their kid a Leafs jersey! Habs rule! Leafs suck!)
– Dora’s Potty Book (On my daily reads list!)
– Birdman & The Treatment – Mo Hayder (The best One-Two punch I’ve ever read! Hayder is a sick, sick woman)
– The Hockey News (Yep, it’s a magazine about hockey and I am a man. Do the math!)

As you can tell, I don’t read a lot of books that have any kind of substance, lol. Sue me!

7) What is the craziest thing you have ever done?

Admittedly, I’m not much of a risk taker. No sky diving or para-sailing for this guy, especially not since having kids.

I guess my answer would be between swimming with Sting Rays and having kids, LOL. (Note: I tried out and got through a couple rounds on Canadian Idol but I don’t know if I consider that crazy.)

8 ) What is your favourite TV show of all time and why?

Cmon, these questions are unfair! There are so many shows that define me. My official answer is “Lost” of course but here are some others:

– Saved By The Bell (Classic!!)
– King of Queens (Fave comedy)
– The League (Sports nerd show, the funniest on TV right now)
– Every reality show on TV (Yes, that includes The Bachelorette and Jersey Shore!)

9) What was your favourite toy as a kid?

Original Nintendo. That’s it. There were no other toys.

10) What do you do when (you think) no one is looking?

DANCE BABY!!!

11) Describe yourself in a single sentence.

Would you like some Fries with that Shake?

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I tagged some people below but because of my severe lack of online friends, I have included this video interview with my kids as a backup plan. Enjoy!

Okay, so my turn to tag some people on this one….I don’t know 11 bloggers, so I’ll tag those who I do know.

Tales Of Mommyhood

Dad To Day MOMents

Whispered Inspirations

Questions for them! (I am very unoriginal lazy…)

1) What SuperHero would you be if you could choose one? You could make one up if you want!
2) What is your dream job?
3) Who is your favorite Canadian Dad TV Dad?
4) Where is your ultimate vacation destination?
5) What do you do when you think no one is watching?
6) What reality show would you be on if you could pick one?
7) Why do birds suddenly appear, every time you are near?
8 ) What could you do better as a parent?
9) What/Who’s music inspires you?
10) What is your favorite activity to do with your kids?
11) Tell us something interesting about you that very few people know about?

TAG! You’re It!!

Giving “Woot Woot” The Boot Boot – #BootTheWoot

The Concise Oxford English Dictionary defines WOOT as a word used to express elation, enthusiasm, or triumph.

Wait…WHAT?! This word is in the Concise Oxford English Dictionary???

I don’t know about you but when I took English in high school, my book report’s were full of Shakespeare and Mordecai Richler. I had no idea what was going on in those books and that’s why I repeated Grade 12 English 3 times….

With this new wave of ridiculous and confusing words, how am I supposed to help my children with their book report’s when the materialwill be the likes of “Justin Bieber’s Woot Woot Holla” and “Tracey’s #Twittatastic #Twittcrastination”?

Another problem I have with “Wooting”, is that in order to fit in new words, the Concise Oxford English Dictionary has to eliminate words.

Do you know what word they eliminated to make room?

DO YOU?!?!

It was the word Growlery. Do you know what a growlery is? I do because I have had one.

A Growlery is a “place to growl in, private room, den”. Where are me and my buddies going to growl at now?

Once I had calmed down, I emerged from my newly crowned “Wootery” and came up with this list of 5 new terms I would like to see added to the Concise Oxford English Dictionary, so that us men can claim back some of our manhood.

1. Couching – Not the embroidery tactic either, I would have that removed first. Couching is what Daddy wants to do after a long day at the office (after play time of course). Couching most likely involves watching sports or wrestling.

2. DisPinterested – A word to express a Man’s feelings towards Pinterest. Nuff Said.

3. Gameril – A medication, to be invented at a later date, to help men deal with an unexpected extended absence from the ability to play video games.

4. Man-O-Tron – {Multiple Meanings} a) used to describe a man who uses his ability to see things that only other men can see without actually looking directly at the object eg. Dude, you went so Man-O-Tron back there. b) a fictional robot that does a man’s chores for him. c) the nerdy awesome user name all men fight over in video game forums.

5. Bearpunch – A slang term to remind men what to do if they find themselves face to face with a bear or larger man.

I have submitted my list to the fine folks at the Concise Oxford English Dictionary and hope to hear back soon.

In the meantime, I hope my message is clear. I encourage all of you to join my efforts to “Give The Boot To The Woot!”

You can join me on Twitter @CanadianDadBlog as I launch my campaign to #BootTheWoot and please feel free to share your #BootTheWoot stories in the comments section!

Help me to build a brighter, Wootless world for our children!

Cheers!

New Feature – “Ask Dad”

I’ve decided to add a new feature here at Canadian Dad. It’s a segment I like to call “Ask Dad” and is open to everyone from all walks of life.

I’ll be taking questions and then posting the best answers I can think of at some point each week. You can ask about anything you feel like, be it Serious, Ridiculous or Straight Up Insane and I will answer them to the best of my serious/humorous abilities.

Do you want to know how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie pop?

Interested in finding out how to be more awesome??? Ask Dad! I’ll tell you!

You can send all your questions to askdad@canadiandad.com and I’ll go through and pick out the best ones from each week.

Don’t want to email, send me a tweet with the #askdad and make sure to include my handle @canadiandadblog and I’ll grab them from there as well!

Now start asking, my mind is exploding with knowledge!!!

Cheers!!

Why Can’t I Be Spider-Man For Once?

Imagine a world where you could swing from tall building to tall building. A place where you were counted on by millions to save the day! You could have your own statue and people would chant your name in the streets as you swung on by.

That’s the world I dreamt about one day having, but those dreams have since come crashing down. You see, my young son also has aspirations of swinging from building to building as the amazing Spider-Man and that’s where my dreams end.

Have you ever tried to rationalize with a 3 year old? It goes something like this.

Me: “Hey Luke, what color is this orange?”
Luke: “Umm, Blue.”
Me: “No, it’s orange.”
Luke: “BLUE!”

And so on and so on. You can imagine the way the debate goes when he’s arguing for something he really wants. In this article’s case, it’s the chance to become Spider-Man for our daily super hero showdown.

Sure I could pick from any number of other super heroes but it’s just not the same. Here’s how I break down the other choices.

Batman is cool and all but he’s so dark that people don’t want to hang out with him or cheer his name. They’re more afraid that he could snap at any minute and go rogue on all their asses. Not to mention his alter ego, Bruce Wayne, is a complete jackass playboy millionaire. Actually, that doesn’t sound so bad…

Superman would probably be my number 3 option but that’s most likely due to the fact that the actor who played him, Christopher Reeve, has a name very similar to my own. Also, Superman’s alter ego, Clark Kent, is a little too weird for me. Grow some balls man and stop being such a klutz dude!

Iron Man is relatively new to the scene, Ironman seems like someone to keep an eye on for all you superhero dad’s out there. I like the cut of his jib, in and out of costume. Tony Stark seems like a cool cat, albeit a little neurotic. The only issue is that people still aren’t sure about Iron Man, so the glory part is missing. In the end, I usually pick Iron Man as my go to guy when my Spiderman dreams go south.

Cat Woman would be an excellent choice but I am missing one key element which keeps me from becoming Catwoman and I’m sure you can probably guess what it is. That’s correct, I don’t have a cat suit. Nuts.

As you can see from the above breakdown, none of these options is even close to being as cool as Spiderman. He has so much to offer and I feel like we are a lot alike.

For instance,

– Peter Parker works as a photographer for the Daily Bugle, while I sometimes add pictures to my blog.
– Spider-Man often saves the world by foiling other super villain’s plans, while at my day job, I save the world by helping to put petty criminals behind bars.
– Peter Parker is kind of nerdy but also sticks up for himself when he needs to, and I often find myself in situations where I should speak up. Plus I am also a nerd.
– Finally, Spider-Man is loved by all and has droves of fans all over the world, while that is how I am perceived by all as well. At least in my own fantasy land, called Chris-Ville (Facebook game coming to a screen near you).

I wish there was a way for me to get this across to my son. He doesn’t even know who Spider-Man is. He’s never seen the movie, tv show or comics. He only knows about Spider-Man from Halloween so I don’t see how it’s fair the he always gets to portray him.

If the world needed a real super hero to save them, would they choose a 3 year old or a slightly overweight grown man. Sure I’m a little short and I use the term “slighty” overweight loosely but c’mon man, a 3 year old?

Something has to give, but so far, my attempts to get him interested in other super heroes have fallen by the wayside. He is firm in his belief that he is in fact Spider-Man as I am forced to continue selecting second rate super heroes.

Do your kids have a favorite character they like to be? Do you know how to get my son to hate Spider-Man? Please, I’m begging you to let me know what I need to do to get this done. Let me know in the comments section.

Also, please feel free to share this post with your favorite social media outlet. I am on so many sites now, I don’t know which way is up. Pin Me I guess…..I don’t get Pinterest yet.

Cheers!

Warner Bros. – The Dark Knight Rises – Trailer

This has nothing to do with anything, except to let you in on something that I am giddy with excitement about. This movie is going to blow your mind!

Cheers!