Hunting With My 3 Year Old Son – The Day He Became A Man

Yeah, You heard me.

Recently I took the appropriate steps to accelerate my son’s development from Boy to Man by taking him hunting for bears and lions deep in the woods of the South March Highlands of North Kanata.

My son will be 4 years old next week and I felt it was time for him to ditch the toddler act and learn how to be a man. Sure he can tie his** put on his own velcro shoes, do up his seatbelt and even recite the alphabet but it’s time he learned how to provide for his future family.

Obviously, the first step in any successful hunt is to make sure that your weapons of choice are ready for battle. In my experience, for hunting bears and lions, my weapon of choice will always be the sword.

We sharpened our blades, hugged our wives and mommies and headed off for battle! Spirits were high that we would come home with plenty of bear skin for warmth and meat to feed our starving family.

We weren’t sure what to expect upon entering the Highlands but we came across many obstacles on our journey. First was obtaining passage through the Land of the Gnomes. The only entrance is by passing through the Great Tree of Gnomia.

The gnomes demanded a sacrifice so I was forced to give them the last of our rations of TimBits.

The gnomes granted us access but refused to let us photograph them. Trust me, they were real!

We were well into our adventure and had yet to see any bears or lions. I began to worry that my boy would not be entering manhood on this journey and if we could not provide food, who knew how much longer we could survive.

At that moment, we heard a rustling in the bushes and drew our swords! It was the Rock Warriors of the Upper Highlands and they were not happy about our intrusion! I was knocked from my feet, leaving only my son to defend us.

Upon regaining consciousness, I found that my boy had slayed the Rock Soldiers and was proudly displaying his new trophy for me.

He had finally become a man and I couldn’t have been more proud in that moment. I even found myself losing focus at times and luckily had him to remind me where we were.

Unfortunately the journey wasn’t over, as we quickly came face to face with the most deadly creature in all of the highlands!

The Papilionoidea of North Kanata:

Ancient legend states that if the Papilionoidea even senses danger, it can turn you to stone with a single whisper.

I have never been so scared in my life but this was no time to show weakness in front of my boy.

I crept up behind the demon butterfly and in one fell swoop, cut it down with my mighty blade. Then we rushed out of the forest and back to the safety of our home.

While it’s true that we didn’t bring home food for our family, the important thing to note here is that my little boy became a man on this day!

Furthermore, upon hearing of our triumphant battles in the Highlands, the townspeople revolted and declared a new King!

You guessed it!

I hope you enjoyed our adventure. I know there are many more to come, so I hope you stick around to enjoy them with us!

Cheers!!!

**Thanks to Justin at Let’s Make a(nother) Deal! for pointing out my knack for making things up, lol. My 3 year old can kill Rock Warriors but he does not in fact tie his own shoes. Busted!!

Super Mario For A Day Courtesy Of Costume Discounters

I was thrilled to be contacted by the fine people from CostumeDiscounters.com to see if I’d like to review one of their products.

Clearly, as a Dad blogger and the owner of adorably cute children, they knew that my kids would look great in any of their costumes.

Unfortunately, they didn’t know that I am also a lover of wearing costumes, so I threw them a curve ball and ordered one for myself! Here’s the proof:

I have to say, the costume showed up in record time and all in one piece. My dealings with the fine folks at Costume Discounters were nothing but spectacular and I absolutely recommend them for all your costume needs!

Back to me for a minute though….I wanted to really test out the costume so that my review reflected the product and wasn’t just lip service to a client. I decided to test it out to see how it worked in real life situations.

You know, things like pretending to drive while playing MarioKart on the Nintendo Wii:

I also put it to the ultimate test by making dinner for my family. Spaghetti, a Mario specialty! From scratch too!

The costume passed all other tests it was given and is still in tip top shape and ready for my son’s Mario party next weekend. Seriously, I’m using it to entertain all the children at my son’s birthday party. Don’t worry, I’ll post videos!

In all seriousness, everything at CostumeDiscounters.com is of the highest quality and I dare you to find a place to get your costumes for a cheaper price (making your own doesn’t count!). For real, if you find an identical costume for less on the net, they will match the price AND give you an additional 20% off!!

Make sure to check out their Facebook Page for more great deals and information.

Thanks to the staff at CostumeDiscounters.com for providing me with the costume in order to facilitate this review.

And now if you’ll excuse me, I have a long day of plumbing ahead of me and I’m out of here! (I think that’s still Mario’s profession…)

Cheers!!

Hey Aerosmith, You Owe Us A Show!

I’ve never taken part in a campaign to bring a band to town before. Frankly, I’ve never really cared enough to bother or have in fact been far too lazy to make any sort of effort.

I saw a post on Facebook that caught my eye the other day and decided to jump on board. I mean, who wouldn’t want Aerosmith to roll through their town!

Aerosmith was booked to play a concert in Ottawa (My Hometown) on Sept 5, 2009. The show was understandably cancelled after Steven Tyler broke his left shoulder and cracked his noggin’ after falling off the stage at the Sturgis Biker Rally in August.

Aerosmith never did play Ottawa after that.

Their newly announced tour takes them to Toronto on June 27th and Laval, Quebec on July 10th- but NO Ottawa!! Do you agree that Aerosmith owes us a show? If so, Sign up at our Facebook Page here, and please Share, Share, Share

The thought of missing out on Steven Tyler’s Leather Panted, Leopard Print Extravaganza brings tears to my eyes and the eyes of many other Ottawans!

Please help us in reminding Mr. Tyler and the rest of his crew that we’ve spent the last 3 years waiting for this tour to come back our way and we will not stop pestering them until it does!

You don’t have to be from Ottawa to take part, simply click the tweet box below and help us bring Steven Tyler and his microphone handkerchief collection to our forgotten town!

[tweetbox width=”450″ height=”75″ label=”Easy Enough, just Click Tweet and Your Job Is Done!” content=”Hey @IAmStevenT and @Aerosmith, I believe you owe #Ottawa a Concert! %u (via @canadiandadblog)”]

Here’s what we want to see! Please Help!!!

Cheers!!

And Then Jann Arden Called My House

I started to write this post last night. I took a break to hang out on Twitter for a bit, when one tweet changed the entire direction of the story.

I’m not much of a thoughtful gift giver. I mean well, I really do. It just seems that I always come up a bit short.

Today is my wife’s birthday. I used to ask her what she wanted as a gift but she’d always give me the “Oh, I don’t need anything” line. Every man knows this is simply code for “You should know what I like by now, figure it out!”

I spent hours agonizing over what to get her and think I actually did pretty well this year. Here is what the kids and I had planned for her presents:

Yep, shelled out for some nice jewelry and put together a frame with the kids. I was all done, yet something still felt incomplete.

I’ve been increasingly fascinated with this website called Twitter. You may have heard of it. Anyway, I like to go there to flex my funny bone.

It was about 2AM and I thought it would be fun to send a tweet to one of my wife’s favorite musician’s, Jann Arden. She is a notorious tweeter but I wasn’t expecting any reply. Celebrities are busy and I respect that.

Here’s a look at what happened:

That simple reply of “Maybe I should call her” set off a slew of emotions for me. Was she serious? Or was it just a joke? I replied back with a joke comment and then something weird and amazing happened.

Other totally selfless people started tweeting to Jann, saying that she should do it because it would be amazing. I agreed and before I could jump on board, Jann had already messaged me to say that we were on!

I have to admit; at this point I was a wreck. Shaking a bit with excitement. A little skeptical about what was happening (Was this even Jann?). A little hungry. You know, the usual stuff that happens when you are organizing a celebrity phone call for your wife’s birthday at 2 in the morning….

I spent the rest of the night glued to my iPhone, chatting on Twitter and Facebook with other excited fans. I still had no idea what had happened. I lost focus so much that I didn’t fill out my birthday card and almost left the other gifts at work.

Let’s cut to the next morning, we’ll call that day yesterday for the purposes of this story. I still didn’t know how this whole thing was going down. I took my son to the park to play for a bit and then I got a call from my wife.

Her birthday was the next day so I wasn’t expecting anything to happen then, but she had an exciting story for me.

“Jann Arden just called me at the house to say Happy Birthday! And said that you did that!” She didn’t pick up the phone right away so we are lucky enough to have this proof forever:

I literally couldn’t believe it; she had come through and made me look like a superhero husband. The truth is that I really don’t deserve much credit at all. It’s not like it was my idea after all. Chalk it up to right place at the right time.

The one thing I did know is that my wife had loved it and that was the most important thing to me. She is a wonderfully amazing woman and deserves every good thing that comes her way.

She runs a day care, puts up with my shift work (and Bull Sh*t) and basically makes sure that my children get all the love they need and deserve! She is amazing, I am lucky to have her and I am so glad that I was able to have a hand in making her smile for her birthday.

We both showered Jann with big Thank You’s on Twitter and hope that she understands how amazing her act truly was. In case she is reading my lowly blog right now, Thank You again Jann Arden, You Rock!!!

I guess the only problem I have now is that my wife will be expecting something big out of me every year from now on….

No worries, I’ve got my buddy Madonna on speed dial!

Happy Birthday Honey!

Cheers!

The Important Lesson I Taught My Son

Recently I wrote about how picky my son is when it comes to eating food. I also mentioned that he didn’t extend the picky behaviour only to dinner items but to desserts too.

While reading through all your excellent comments and recommendations, I noticed that Jennifer from Mom vs The Boys made a good point about my boy not liking Ice Cream and I set out to rectify the situation.

I’m a Dad. My job is to teach my kids stuff. Learning how to enjoy a delicacy like ice cream, I believe, is one of my jobs and an important one at that.

I actually hadn’t realized just how important it was until we got to the ice cream shop. I managed to get my son to taste my chocolate ice cream, so he could see that it tasted like chocolate milk, his favorite.

He immediately asked for his own cone and we were off and running!

He treated the ice cream as if it was a trick I was playing on him. As if any moment, a dragon was going to pop out of it and eat him. Holding it in his fingertips and taking licks so small, that it almost looked like he wasn’t eating it at all.

But the ice cream was disappearing and soon he was stuck staring at a half empty cone.

I know what you’re thinking…”What is this guy talking about? You don’t teach a kid to eat ice cream, you just eat it!”

Wrong! What happened next is proof of my heroic act of Daddyism!

Staring down at the vast emptiness the cone had to offer, my son then asked me “What now Daddy? Am I done?”

In that moment, I realized that I had more to offer than simply teaching him that ice cream is delicious. “Why no my boy, you can eat the cone too!”, I responded with joy.

I’m not lying when I tell you that we then spent a good 15 minutes going over cone eating techniques. My son then went to work, in what I can only describe as the slowest cone eating adventure there has even been.

It didn’t bother this Dad one bit. He ate the whole ice cream cone (without spilling in the car) and I couldn’t have been more proud of him!

I’m finding that, with parenting, even the small victories are still victories. Up until a week ago, my son had scoffed at ice cream, especially if it came in a weird crunchy cup.

And I know it was only an ice cream cone and I shouldn’t be proud about my kids eating junk, but I am and I’m not sorry about it. Every step they take in discovering something new is an exciting experience for a parent and I was happy to be a part of this one!

Have you ever been excited or proud of your kids about something others might see as a small or non existent feat? Share it in the comments below!

My Son Hates Food…

They say a picture is worth a thousand words. I’m not about to write a 1,000 word post, not because I can’t, but because I’m lazy.

The picture above is the beautiful lunch time creation my amazing wife put together for her daycare’s Easter lunch. You’ll notice it looks like one of those Sesame Street skits of “One of these things is not like the other”.

3 perfect Peanut Butter and Fruit Bunnies and one ugly, no makeup, no face Bunny with 2 carrots that it can’t eat because it doesn’t have a mouth.

The empty rabbit is a special lunch modification for my son, who will not touch anything that isn’t a plain piece of bread. Sure he dabbles in carrots, apples and even broccoli if the mood is right but you are essentially looking at his daily feeding.

Before you start the “hide the food in something else” bit, trust me, we’ve tried it. I swear he’s going to become a surgeon someday based on the way he disects every type of food we try to give him, looking for colours that don’t belong.

I sometimes wonder where I went wrong with him in the food department. Daddy loves food. Daddy eats waaayyyy too much of it too. It couldn’t be me! He couldn’t have gotten into my Paint collection, right? Even if he did, this photo wouldn’t scare a child off carrots, would it?

Yeah I know, I’m a monster who draws ridiculously disturbing pictures. We all have our vices. Let’s move on.

He doesn’t even like cake or ice cream or gummy worms!!! The only thing he will eat in the junk department is donuts and thank the lord for that.

Don’t worry, we supplement his diet with vitamins (hidden liquid only because he won’t take a pill or eat a gummy or Flinstone vitamin). We’ve talked to the doctor about it and they said to keep trying new ways to get him to eat his fruits and veggies, so we will.

Some tricks have worked for a few days. The old “I’m gonna eat your food” schtick was good for a couple meals. Then there’s classics like “I’m gonna beat you” or “Apples make you faster and stronger”. Nothing sticks though.

There is some hope though! Recently in a play group circle time, my son was asked what his favorite food was. He responded quickly with this wonderful lie: Apples.

That’s my boy!

Have you ever had problems getting your kids to eat their food? Feel free to share your secrets with me so I can steal them and forget to thank you!

Cheers!

Sh*t My Kids Say #5 – The Spanish Book

It’s no secret that Dora the Explorer has stolen a large chunk of the children’s television market. Part of the draw of the show for parents is that kids get a chance to dabble in a second language.

A three year old doesn’t understand that there are people who speak different languages and therefore doesn’t know the difference between English, French, Spanish and so on.

I recently brought my son to the Library to pick out some new books for circle time at the day care. I always let him pick out his own book too and he always selects a french book first.

I don’t know if the pictures are cooler in french or if it’s because they are the first books you pass by but he will always gravitate to the french section first.

I tried to explain to him a few weeks ago that, while Daddy does speak french, translating the book to English is a bit of a tough task and I asked him to select a book from the English section.

This is the conversation we had yesterday at the Library.

D: “Okay buddy, go ahead and pick out a book.”

L: “Okay Daddy!” **Looks for about 8 seconds** “Here’s a great book Daddy! It has a Boat!”

D: “Sure pal, whatever book you want”

L: **Sits at the table and opens it** “I think I need to find a different book Daddy.”

D: “Why? That one looks good and you love boats.”

L: “I think this one’s Spanish.”

D: “Nope, it’s in English. How do you even know what Spanish is?”

L: “Remember yesterday, you told me not to pick the Spanish books.” **Everything happened yesterday by the way**

D: “That was not yesterday, it was 2 weeks ago and I said don’t pick French books, not Spanish”

L: **Blank stare** “Okay Daddy. I’ll take this Spanish one with the boats!”

D: “Haha, okay pal.”
*****************************************************************************

I’d like to note that I am not against my kids learning another language, I just think it’s more important for them to master the one they are going to use on a day to day basis first.

Plus I hate translating things, LOL!

Cheers!!

Here’s Why My Son Hates People In Costumes

A couple of days ago, I posted about my son going to his first “drop off your kids and leave” Birthday Party and how the Spider-Man character spooked him.

I was going through some old Easter photos and may have uncovered the reason for my son’s fear of characters in costume. For that info, you’ll have to head on over to Life Of Dad to check out my latest post.

Trust me, you’re not going to want to miss this unforgettable family photo.

Cheers!!

Not Even Spider-Man Can Stop My Kid

I’m not even sure where to start this one because it’s a bit emotional and funny all in one event.

My son’s birthday party is going to be in a couple of weeks. I can remember last year, we threw him an Ernie birthday party and he loved it. I asked him what kind of party he wanted this year and he immediately answered “MarioKart!” with joy.

What?!?! How do you go from Ernie to MarioKart in less than a year?

On one hand it’s cool because I get to goof around with a bunch of video game stuff. On the other, I want my little boy back!!!

That brings me to our most recent event.

My son was just invited to his first “drop off your kid and leave” birthday party. He is 3 years old but soon to be 4.

You can forget about the fact that the party was just across the street at a neighbor’s house because it could have been on the moon for all I cared. The point is that my little man is growing up, and quickly!

The neighbor’s kid was turning 5 and was having a Spider-Man themed party, with a special visit from Spider-Man himself (very popular right now, the character shows up and runs games and stuff).

My son does NOT like people in costumes, so upon hearing this, I feared the worst.

Sure enough, I got a phone call from the neighbor about 30 minutes in, asking if I could come over and comfort my son, who was freaked out by Spider-Man. After some calming words to my delirious concerned wife, I ran over to hang out.

I tried to explain to my son that it was just a guy in a costume and that he had nothing to be scared of. Obviously that didn’t work, so we came to the agreement that if I went home and got his Spider-Man costume, he would stay at the party and take part in the games.

Excited to feel needed again, I raced across the street, Spidey suit in hand. Daddy saves the day!!

It took a few minutes for him to rejoin the party and he clung to me for another 10 like a shirt that had gone through the dryer without a Bounce sheet (you know what I mean, shut it).

Eventually I felt comfortable enough to leave him but figured he wouldn’t take part in anything until Spidey was gone.

Well don’t you know it, sometimes when left to fend for themselves, kids rise above the odds and make you the proudest parents in the world.

Here’s the photo I got from the neighbors, 15 minutes after I had left.

Very proud Dad upon seeing this picture. Almost as if I had said or done something to ease his mind about being at the party. Now if he would please stop growing for a couple years, I would very much appreciate it!!

Is there a moment you realized that you were losing your toddler to boy/girlhood? Share it with me in the comments so I can feel better about losing mine 🙂

Cheers!!

The Tooth Fairy Is An Extortionist

That’s right, I said it!

I am 33 years old.

I can remember the days of losing teeth and the excitement that would come over waking up the next morning to find a shiny quarter or two under my pillow.

I was having a very deep and serious chat with some friends the other night at a wedding.

We were laughing at old(er) people dancing and somehow the topic of missing teeth came up, to which one friend had an interesting story to share about his children.

He said that one of his children had just lost a tooth and after researching with other parents, he found that the going rate on teeth these days was about $5 a piece, so that’s what he paid.

I laughed at his hilarious joke and turned back to the dance floor. He then grabbed me by the arm, looked deep into my eyes and told me something I will never forget.

“I’m not joking man, the Tooth Fairy is a thieving little bitch and she charges $5 a tooth now!”

The words came at me in slow motion, like I was a stunned boxer who’d just had his bell rung.

This couldn’t be true! My kids hadn’t even lost any teeth yet and at this rate of inflation, by the time they do, I’ll be paying double that price!

“Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo” I yelled in the middle of the wedding.

Who does this chick think she is? Monopolizing the teeth market by being the only one who dares sneak into young children’s rooms at night to help herself to their lost ivory.

It’s common knowledge among adults that the money left under the pillow is not left there by the tooth fairy, but it is a bounty paid by parents so that the tooth fairy does her job properly.

Otherwise, the tooth would still be there in the morning and the parent would have to explain what happened. Explain why the Tooth Fairy doesn’t love their child.

Do you want to be that parent? DO YOU!?!?

My friend’s story got me panicking so I started to do some research of my own. The first person I asked was a colleague at work.

“I give $2 per tooth”…..”But I’m really cheap”

Bad Start! If the cheap guy is paying $2, that means I stand to be in big, big trouble.

Off to Facebook and Twitter for more guidance. The answers come flowing in like a tipped over truck filled with sewage.

“$2…$4…$5”, and then the bombshell hits as one parent tells me they paid $20 for the first and $5 for each subsequent lost tooth!!!

WHAT!?!?

The trend continues to confirm my fears that I will need to re-mortgage the house in order to pay for two kids to lose all their teeth.

It also puts the final nail in the “Should we have a third child” debate.

I’ve been racking my brain on ways to avoid this inevitable mess but so far I’ve only come up with one possible idea….

I’m going to try opening my own tooth fairy business! What do you think? It suits me, right?

We’ll see what the Tooth Fairy’s goons have to say about that but I’m ready for them.

No more will I stand idly by as she treats us parents like her slaves!!! We will band together to fight this injustice!

She may continue to try and take our hard earned money, but she will Never Take Our Freedom!!!!!

Who’s with me? What price does the Tooth Fairy charge at your house? Leave me a comment below and we can all share in each other’s misery…

Cheers!!