The Trouble With French Boots

I am not a big, boot person. I mean, I like boots for keeping my feet dry in the rain, or for trudging through the long Canadian winters, but that’s about where it ends for me. My son, however, has recently become infatuated with boots. Or, should I say, he has become infatuated with the word boots, in it’s French form.

Boots, In French = Bottes, which, to a 5 year old boy = Butts, which, of course = HILARIOUSNESS!

Unfortunately, the hilariousness does not stop there, because the word Butts is so funny that it can supplant almost any word in the English language. In fact, in some cases, it can replace the lyrics of an entire song. I give you Exhibit A, which is my son’s updated version of the classic, “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star”.

Butts, Butts, Butts, Butts, Butts, Butts, TOOTS!
Butts, Butts, Butts, Butts, Butts, Butts, TOOTS!
Butts and Toots and Butts and Toots,
Toots and Butts and Butts and Toots.

There was more to it, butt you get the point. In closing, if you really want to teach your 5 year old how to speak proper French, you may want to avoid the boots for a while. Also, just as an advanced tip, you may want to avoid the French word for Seal, altogether, as that tends to open up a whole other bag of worms, or sealing seals, as it were.

Sh*t My Kids Say #5 – The Spanish Book

It’s no secret that Dora the Explorer has stolen a large chunk of the children’s television market. Part of the draw of the show for parents is that kids get a chance to dabble in a second language.

A three year old doesn’t understand that there are people who speak different languages and therefore doesn’t know the difference between English, French, Spanish and so on.

I recently brought my son to the Library to pick out some new books for circle time at the day care. I always let him pick out his own book too and he always selects a french book first.

I don’t know if the pictures are cooler in french or if it’s because they are the first books you pass by but he will always gravitate to the french section first.

I tried to explain to him a few weeks ago that, while Daddy does speak french, translating the book to English is a bit of a tough task and I asked him to select a book from the English section.

This is the conversation we had yesterday at the Library.

D: “Okay buddy, go ahead and pick out a book.”

L: “Okay Daddy!” **Looks for about 8 seconds** “Here’s a great book Daddy! It has a Boat!”

D: “Sure pal, whatever book you want”

L: **Sits at the table and opens it** “I think I need to find a different book Daddy.”

D: “Why? That one looks good and you love boats.”

L: “I think this one’s Spanish.”

D: “Nope, it’s in English. How do you even know what Spanish is?”

L: “Remember yesterday, you told me not to pick the Spanish books.” **Everything happened yesterday by the way**

D: “That was not yesterday, it was 2 weeks ago and I said don’t pick French books, not Spanish”

L: **Blank stare** “Okay Daddy. I’ll take this Spanish one with the boats!”

D: “Haha, okay pal.”
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I’d like to note that I am not against my kids learning another language, I just think it’s more important for them to master the one they are going to use on a day to day basis first.

Plus I hate translating things, LOL!

Cheers!!

Sh*t My Kids Say #4 – Kids Don’t Listen

Kids are funny people. They really have no concept of right or wrong, they don’t know not to call people fat or stupid and they have no idea how hilarious their imaginary stories are to adults.

That has led me to create a section here at Canadian Dad called “Sh*t My Kids Say”. I know, I know, it’s a semi dirty word but this is my blog and I’ll swear if I want to, LOL.

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I took my son to a place called Funhaven today but before we left, I witnessed first hand just how easy it is for kids to not pay attention to anything you are saying. Here’s our conversation from earlier today.

D: “C’mon buddy, let’s get going”

L: “Where are we going Daddy?”

D: “To a new place called Funhaven!”

L: “Do they have toys?”

D: “I don’t think so”

L: “Can I play MarioKart later?”

D: “Ummm, I guess so but that has nothing to do with Funhaven”

L: “Oh okay, are we going to Daniel’s house?”

D: “Why would we go to Daniel’s house?”

L: **Blank Expression**

D: “We’re going to Funhaven, it’s like a giant indoor park”

L: “Dora? What about Boots?”

D: “Huh? I said inDOOR, not Dora!”

L: “Do they have toys? Can I bring my new coloring book?”

D: “Just get in the car!”
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I’m guessing had I continued to humour him, that this conversation could have gone on for the whole day! It’s funny because it’s not like he was watching TV or anything, he just straight up wasn’t paying attention to anything I was saying. Frustrating times for sure, LOL!

In case you’re interested, here’s my Review of our FunHaven experience from today.

Cheers!!

Sh*t My Kids Say #3 – Wieners

Kids are funny people. They really have no concept of right or wrong, they don’t know not to call people fat or stupid and they have no idea how hilarious their imaginary stories are to adults.

That has led me to the decision to create a new section here at Canadian Dad called “Sh*t My Kids Say”. I know, I know, it’s a semi dirty word but this is my blog and I’ll swear if I want to, LOL.

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This was a conversation I overheard between my wife and son.

L: “Mommy, does Julia have a wiener?”

M: “No, she has a nooner.”

L: “You have a nooner, you have a nooner!!”

Yep, that’s my boy!

Sh*t My Kids Say #2 – Disney On Ice

Kids are funny people. They really have no concept of right or wrong, they don’t know not to call people fat or stupid and they have no idea how hilarious their imaginary stories are to adults.

That has led me to the decision to create a new section here at Canadian Dad called “Sh*t My Kids Say”. I know, I know, it’s a semi dirty word but this is my blog and I’ll swear if I want to, LOL.

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We had a great time at Disney On Ice last night, other than the length of time it spanned. I mean seriously, 2 hours and a bit of dancing princesses? I’m as excited about Disney as anyone but after a while they all start to look the same.
On the drive home, we asked my son what he thought of the show.

D: “Hey buddy, what was your favorite part of the show?”

L: “Ummmm, the part where I got my toy”

D: “Really? The part before we even sat down at our seats, when we bought you the Incredibles figurines?”

L: “Yeah, I really, really love them”

D: “What about the show? Anything from the actual show that you liked?”

L: “Donald Duck”

D: “Donald Duck was in the 2 hour show for 3 minutes and said no words, that’s all you liked?”

L: “I liked….(clearly humouring me at this point) the claw”

D: “What claw???”

L: “The claw from Peter Pan”

D: “?????” “You mean Captain Hook?”

L: “No Daddy, the claw. And when the crocodile ate the guy”

D: :Well, I’m glad you liked it???”

L: “But I really, really love my Incredible guys”

D: “Excellent!”

The main thing I learned from this conversation is that my son could care less about what happened that night because he lost interest upon receiving his late Valentine’s Day gift of Incredibles figurines.
I know he had fun because I was watching him throughout the show, I think he just hasn’t figured out the “favorite part” thing yet. Maybe he just enjoyed it so much that everything was his favorite part? Either way, the toys ruled the day and I’m happy to report that as of 12 hours later, he still really, really loves them, haha.

Cheers!

Sh*t My Kids Say #1 – The Bad Dream

Kids are funny people. They really have no concept of right or wrong, they don’t know not to call people fat or stupid and they have no idea how hilarious their imaginary stories are to adults.

That has led me to the decision to create a new section here at Canadian Dad called “Sh*t My Kids Say”. I know, I know, it’s a semi dirty word but this is my blog and I’ll swear if I want to, LOL.

The first edition of this category features a conversation my son and I had about a bad dream he had the night before and it goes a little something like this.

D: “Luke, how come you came into our bed last night?”

L: “I had a bad dream”

D: “What was your bad dream about?”

L: “Your shirt”

D: “What?”

L: “Your shirt”

D: “What did my shirt do to you?”

L: “It’s blue”

D: “Are you afraid of the colour blue?”

L: “Noooooo, boop, boop, boop”

D: “???????”

End of Conversation.

I was pretty sure by the end of this conversation that he hadn’t been paying attention to me the whole time but I’m still sort of confused by the end result. Oh well, I’m sure I’ll have better luck the next time….